This is the main text of the book “Reminiscences of H.P. Blavatsky and The Secret Doctrine” written by Countess Constance Wachtmeister where she recounts her experiences with Blavatsky between 1885 and 1888 while she was taking care of her, first in the German city of Würzburg, then in the Belgian city of Ostend, and finally in London (and I added titles in blue for ease of reading).
CHAPTER 1
First meeting with Blavatsky (in London)
In giving an account of the manner in which The Secret Doctrine was written by H.P. Blavatsky, while yet the circumstances are fresh in my memory, with memoranda and letters still available for reference, I shall not shrink from dwelling at some length on my own relations with my dear friend and teacher, and on many attendant circumstances which, while not directly connected with the actual writing of the book, will contribute, I feel sure, to an intelligent comprehension of both the author and her work.
For me nothing is trivial, nothing meaningless, in the personality, in the habits, and in the environments of H.P.B., and I desire to convey to the reader, if possible, as full a knowledge as I myself possess of the difficulties and distractions that beset her during the progress of her work.
The ill-health, the wandering life, the unpropitious surroundings, the lack of materials, the defection of false friends, the attacks of enemies, were obstacles that impeded her labour; but the cooperation of willing hands, the love and care of devoted adherents, and, above all, the support and direction of her beloved and revered Masters, rendered its completion possible.
It was in the year 1884 that, having occasion to visit London, I first made acquaintance with Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, at Mr. and Mrs. Sinnett's house. I well remember the feeling of pleasurable excitement with which I made that memorable call.
I had previously read Isis Unveiled with wonder and admiration for the vast stores of strange knowledge contained in that remarkable work, therefore I was prepared to regard with feelings little short of reverence one who not only had founded a Society which promised to form the nucleus of a universal Brotherhood of Humanity, but who was also declared to be the messenger of men who had advanced beyond average mankind in mental and spiritual attainments, and thus could, in the truest sense, be called the Pioneers of our Race.
My reception by my hostess was cordial, and I was at once introduced to Madame Blavatsky. Her features were instinct with power, and expressed an innate nobility of character that more than fulfilled the anticipations I had formed; but what chiefly arrested my attention was the steady gaze of her wonderful grey eyes, piercing yet calm and inscrutable: they shone with a serene light which seemed to penetrate and unveil the secrets of the heart.
When, however, I turned to look upon those who surrounded her, I experienced a revulsion of feeling that for a time left an uneasy impression on my mind. It was a strange scene that met my view. On the floor, at the foot of the low ottoman on which Madame Blavatsky was seated, several visitors were grouped who gazed up at her with an expression of homage and adoration, others hung upon her words with a studied show of rapt attention, and all seemed to me more or less affected by a prevailing tone of flattery.
As I sat apart and looked on at what was passing before me, I permitted suspicions, which I have since learned to be perfectly groundless and gratuitous, to rest in my mind.
I trembled lest I should find that a character of which I had formed such elevated expectations should prove to be a slave of flattery and greedy of the adulation of her followers. I could not know at that time the aloofness, the indifference to praise or blame, the high sense of duty, not to be shaken by any selfish considerations, of the woman before me. I could not then tell that her nature was inherently incapable of degrading its powers and its great mission to the purchase of a cheap popularity.
Though too proud to justify herself to those who were incapable of appreciating the lofty standard of conduct which she followed herself and ever held up to the world in her ethical and mystic writings, she would occasionally open out her inner mind to those few earnest pupils who were pledged to tread the path she indicated.
I have in recollection an explanation she gave, on this very point, when the crowd of scoffers in the press and in drawing-rooms asked one another:
- "How is it that this pupil of semi-omniscient Mahatmas, this natural clairvoyant and trained reader of the minds of men, cannot even tell her friends from her foes?"
- "Who am I," she said, answering one question with another, "who am I that I should deny a chance to one in whom I see a spark still glimmering of recognition of the Cause I serve that might yet be fanned into a flame of devotion? What matter the consequences that fall on me personally when such an one fails, succumbing to the forces of evil within him —deception, ingratitude, revenge, what not— forces that I saw as clearly as I saw the hopeful spark: though in his fall he cover me with misrepresentation, obloquy and scorn? What right have I to refuse to any one the chance of profiting by the truths I can teach him, and thereby entering upon the Path? I tell you that I have no choice. I am pledged by the strictest rules and laws of occultism to a renunciation of selfish considerations, and how can I dare to assume the existence of faults in a candidate and act upon my assumption even though a cloudy forbidding aura may fill me with misgivings?"
CHAPTER 2
Here I may perhaps allude briefly to the circumstances which led up to the visit to Madame Blavatsky that I have described. For two years, from 1879 to 1881, I had been investigating Spiritualism, with the result that, while I was forced into acceptance of the facts observed, I was wholly unable to accept the current Spiritualistic interpretation of those facts.
Towards the end of this time I met with Isis Unveiled, Esoteric Buddhism, and other Theosophical books, and finding the theories that I had formed independently in regard to the nature and cause of Spiritualistic phenomena corroborated and expanded in these works, I very naturally felt attracted towards Theosophy.
In 1881 I joined the ranks of the Theosophical Society and became affiliated to a Lodge.
The result of my studies here was, from various causes, unsatisfactory, and I returned to a course of private reading and research. Thus I was in sympathy with some aspects of Theosophic teaching and with subjects of which H.P.B. had made close study. The perusal of these books served to increase my admiration for Madame Blavatsky, so that when an opportunity occurred to make her acquaintance I seized upon it with alacrity.
Shortly after the visit mentioned I was present at an evening party at Mrs. Sinnett's, and there first met Colonel Olcott. His conversation, which drew around him a group of interested listeners, was directed chiefly to topics of "phenomena," and the strange experiences which had come under his own observation, or in which he had borne a part.
All this, however, did not suffice to divert my attention from Madame Blavatsky, whose striking personality, and the mystery surrounding her life, fascinated me. Yet I did not approach her, but spent a pleasant evening apart with another new acquaintance, Madame Gebhard, who was later to become a very dear friend, and who entertained me with many stories of "the Old Lady," as H.P.B. was then familiarly called by her intimates.
These were the only occasions during my visit to London on which I saw H.P.B. and I had no expectation of meeting her again. I was making preparations for my departure, when one evening, to my great surprise, I received a letter addressed to me in an unfamiliar handwriting, which proved to be from Madame Blavatsky.
This letter contained an invitation to come and see her in Paris, as she was anxious to have some private talk with me. The temptation to know more of one whose personality interested me so profoundly, and who was the founder of the society to which I belonged, prevailed with me, and I determined to return to Sweden via Paris.
Second meeting with Blavatsky (in France)
On my arrival in Paris I called at Madame Blavatsky's appartementy but I was told that she was at Enghien on a visit to the Comtesse d'Adhemar.
Nothing daunted, I took the train, and soon found myself in front of the pretty country seat of the d' Adhemars. Here fresh difficulties awaited me.
On sending up my card with a request to see Madame Blavatsky, I was told, after some slight delay, that the lady was occupied and could not receive me.
I replied that I was perfectly willing to wait, but having come from England at Madame Blavatsky's desire to see her, I declined to go away until my errand was performed.
Upon this I was shown into a salon full of people and the Comtesse d'Adhemar came forward, received me kindly, and led me to the other end of the room, where Madame Blavatsky was seated.
After greetings and explanations, she told me she was to dine that evening in Paris with the Duchesse de Pomar, and asked me if I would accompany her.
As the Duchesse was an old friend of my own who had always been most hospitable and kind, I felt assured she would not think me intrusive, so naturally I consented.
The afternoon passed pleasantly in conversation with many interesting people and in listening to Madame Blavatsky's animated talk. In French her conversation was much more fluent than in English, and here even more than in London she was always the centre of a group of eager listeners.
In the carriage between Enghien and Paris H.P.B. was silent and distraite. She confessed to being tired, and we spoke but little, and upon the most commonplace subjects. Once, after a long pause, she told me that she distinctly heard the music of "Guillaume Tell," and remarked that this opera was one of her favourites.
It was not the hour for opera and my curiosity was piqued. Making enquiries afterwards, I found that the same air from "Guillaume Tell" was in fact being performed at a concert in the Champs Elysees at the very, time when she told me that she heard it.
Whether these actual tones reached her ears while her senses were in a state of hyperaesthesia, or whether she caught up the melody from the "Astral Light" I do not know, but I have since often been able to verify that she could at times hear what was taking place at a distance.
Nothing occurred during the evening at the Duchesse de Pomar's that is worth recording, but when I left to go home to my hetel Madame Blavatsky begged me to return to Enghien to see her the next day. This I did, and received a cordial invitation from the Comtesse d'Adhemar to take up my quarters with her, but of private conversation with H.P.B. there was no more than on the previous day. However, I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. William Q. Judge, who was acting as H.P.B.'s private secretary at that time, and many a pleasant talk we had in his hours of leisure, wandering about beneath the trees of the beautiful park.
Madame Blavatsky was shut up in her room all day, and I only met her at table and during the evenings, when she was surrounded by a cdterie, and there was no opportunity for private talk, I have no doubt now that the difficulties I experienced in getting access to Madame Blavatsky, and the delays that occurred before she came to the point with me, were calculated, and were of the nature of a probation, but I had no suspicion of this at the time.
At last I became both anxious to return to Sweden and unwilling to encroach any longer on the hospitality of my hosts, so one day I took Mr. Judge aside and begged him to tell "the Old Lady" that, unless she had something of real importance to say to me, I should leave the next day. Shortly afterwards I was called to her room, and there followed a conversation which I shall never forget.
She told me many things that I thought were known only to myself, and ended by saying that, before two years had passed, I should devote my life wholly to Theosophy.
At the time I had reason to regard this as an utter impossibility, and, as any reticence on the subject might have been liable to misconstruction, I felt obliged to tel her so.
She only smiled, and replied:
- "Master says so, and therefore I know it to be true."
The following morning I took my leave of her, said farewell to the d'Adhemars, and departed. Mr. Judge accompanied me to the station and saw me off, and that night I was whirling along in the train, wondering whether her words would come true, and thinking how entirely unfitted I was for such a life, and how impossible it would be for me to break down all the barriers which rose before me, barring the way to the goal she had pointed out to my bewildered gaze.
CHAPTER 3
Visit to Mrs. Gebhard
In the autumn of 1885 I was making preparations to leave my home in Sweden in order to spend the winter with some friends in Italy, and, incidentally, en route to pay Madame Gebhard a promised visit at her residence in Elberfeld.
It was while I was engaged in putting my affairs in order, in view of my long absence, that an incident occurred, not indeed singular in my experience, but out of the normal.
I was arranging and laying aside the articles I intended to take with me to Italy, when I heard a voice saying:
- "Take that book, it will be useful to you on your journey."
I may as well say at once that I have the faculties of clairvoyance and clairaudience rather strongly developed. I turned my eyes on a manuscript volume I had placed among the heap of things to be locked away until my return.
Certainly it seemed a singularly inappropriate vade mecum for a holiday, being a collection of notes on the Tarot and passages in the Kabbalah that had been compiled for me by a friend. However, I decided to take it with me, and laid the book in the bottom of one of my travelling trunks.
At last the day came for me to leave Sweden, in October, 1885, and I arrived at Elberfeld, where I met with a cordial and affectionate greeting from Madame Gebhard. The warmth of heart and steadfast friendship of this excellent woman were for years a source of comfort and support to me, as they were also to Madame Blavatsky, and my affection and admiration for her increased as I became better acquainted with the true and noble character which gradually unfolded itself before me.
It appeared that Madame Blavatsky and a party of Theosophists had spent some eight weeks with Madame Gebhard in the autumn of 1884, and she had many things to tell me of the interesting incidents that befel during that time. Thus I re-entered that sphere of influence which had made so deep an impression upon me at Enghien, and I felt all my interest in and enthusiasm for H.P.B. revive.
However, the time was drawing near for me to pass on into Italy. My friends never ceased pressing me to join them there, and at last the date of my departure was fixed.
When I told Madame Gebhard that I must leave her in a few days, she spoke to me of a letter she had received from H.P.B., in which she deplored her loneliness. She was ill in body and depressed in mind. Her sole companions were her servant and an Indian gentleman who had accompanied her from Bombay, and of whom I shall have to say a word later. "Go to her," said Madame Gebhard, "she needs sympathy, and you can cheer her. For me it is impossible, I have my duties, but you can befriend her if you will."
I thought the matter over. Certainly it was possible for me to comply with the request at the risk of disappointing my friends in Italy, but their plans would not be greatly disarranged, and I decided at length that if H.P.B. desired my company I would go to her for a month before starting for the South. Thus, as she had predicted, and within the period she named, circumstances seemed to be drawing me back to her.
Madame Gebhard was genuinely pleased when I made known my decision to her and showed her a letter I had written to "the Old Lady" in Wurzburg, suggesting that if she cared to receive me I would spend a few weeks with her, as Madame Gebhard had said she was in need of care and companionship.
The letter was despatched, and we waited eagerly for the reply. When at last it lay upon the breakfast table there was much excitement in regard to its contents, but anticipation soon turned into consternation on Madame Gebhard's part and disappointment on mine, when we found nothing more nor less than a polite refusal beneath the seal.
Madame Blavatsky was sorry, but she had no room for me; besides, she was so occupied in writing her Secret Doctrine that she had no time to entertain visitors, but hoped we might meet on my return from Italy.
The tone was civil enough, and even amiable, but the intention seemed to be to convey to me unmistakably that I was not wanted.
Madame Gebhard's face fell as I read the letter aloud. To her, evidently, it was incomprehensible. As for me after the first natural disappointment at the frustration of plans arrived at not without difficulty, I set my face hopefully southward.
My luggage was soon ready, and a cab was actually waiting for me at the door when a telegram was put into my hands containing these words:
"Come to Wurzburg at once, wanted immediately. — Blavatsky."
Countess Wachtmesiter goes to live with Blavatsky
It may easily be imagined that this message took me by surprise, and in blank amazement I turned to Madame Gebhard for an explanation. But she was frankly delighted and radiant. Evidently all hesr thoughts, all her sympathies, were with her "Old Lady."
- "Oh, she does want you, you see, after all," she cried. "Go to her, go."
There was no resisting. I let my secret inclinations find excuse in the pressure of persuasion, and instead of taking my ticket to Rome I took one to Wurzburg, and was soon travelling onwards to work out my Karma.
It was evening when I reached Madame Blavatsky's odgings, and as I mounted the stairs my pulse was a little hurried while I speculated upon the reception which awaited me.
I knew nothing of the causes which had dictated this change at the very eleventh hour. The field of possibilities was wide enough to afford free scope for my imagination, which now pictured to me a serious and sudden illness as the cause of the telegram, and now amused me with the anticipation of a third change of mind that would land me in Rome after all within thirty-six hours. The event was equally removed from both these extremes.
Madame Blavatsky's welcome was a warm one, and, after the first few words of greeting, she remarked:
- "I have to apologise to you for behaving so strangely. I will tell you the truth, which is that I did not want you because I have only one bedroom here, and I thought that you might be a fine lady and not care to share it with me. My ways are probably not your ways.
If you came to me I knew that you would have to put up with many things that might seem to you intolerable discomforts. That is why I decided to decline your offer, and I wrote to you in that sense; but after my letter was posted Master spoke to me and said that I was to tell you to come. I never disobey a word from Master, and I telegraphed at once.
Since then I have been trying to make the bedroom mote habitable. I have bought a large screen which will divide the room, so that you can have one side and I the other, and I hope you will not be too uncomfortable."
I replied that whatever the surroundings to which I had been accustomed might have been, I would willingly relinquish them all for the pleasure, of her companionship. I remember very well that it was then, on going into the dining room together to take some tea, that she said to me abruptly, as of something that had been dwelling on her mind,
- "Master says you have a book for me of which I am much in need."
- "No, indeed," I replied, "I have no books with me"
- "Think again," she said, "Master says you were told in Sweden to bring a book on the Tarot and the Kabbalah."
Then I recollected the circumstances that I have related above. From the time I had placed the volume in the bottom of my box it had been out of my sight and out of my mind. Now, when I hurried to the bedroom, unlocked the trunk, and dived to the bottom, I found it in the same corner I had left it when packing the box in Sweden, undisturbed from that moment to this. But this was not all. When I returned to the dining-room with it in my hand, Madame Blavatsky made a gesture and cried:
- "Stay, do not open it yet. Now turn to page ten and on the sixth line you will find the words . . ." and she quoted a passage.
I opened the book which, let it be remembered, was no printed volume of which there might be a copy in H.P.B.'s possession, but a manuscript album in which, as I have said, had been written notes and excerpts by a friend of mine for my own use, yet on the page and at the line she had indicated I found the very words she had uttered.
When I handed her the book I ventured to ask her why she wanted it.
- "Oh," she replied, "for The Secret Doctrine, That is my new work that I am so busily engaged in writing. Master is collecting material for me. He knew you had the book and told you to bring it that it might be at hand for reference."
No work was done that first evening, but the next day I began to realise what the course of H.P.B.'s life was, and what mine was likely to be while I stayed with her.
CHAPTER 4
Life with Blavatsky
The description of a single day will serve to give an idea of the routine of her life at this time.
At six o'clock I was awakened by the servant coming with a cup of coffee for Madame Blavatsky, who, after this slight refreshment, rose and dressed, and by seven o'clock was at her desk in the sitting room.
She told me that this was her invariable habit, and that breakfast would be served at eight. After breakfast she settled herself at her writing desk and the day's work began in earnest. At one o'clock dinner was served, whereupon I rang a small hand-bell to call H.P.B.
Sometimes she would come in at once, but at other times her door would remain closed hour after hour, until our Swiss maid would come to me, almost with tears in her eyes, to ask what was to be done about Madame's dinner, which was either getting cold or dried up, burnt, and utterly spoiled.
At last H.P.B. would come in weary with so many hours of exhausting labour and fasting; 'then another dinner would be cooked, or I would send to the Hotel to get her some nourishing food.
At seven o'clock she laid aside her writing, and after tea we would spend a pleasant evening together.
Comfortably seated in her big armchair, H.P.B. used to arrange her cards for a game of Patience, as she said to rest her mind. It seems as if the mechanical process of laying her cards enabled her mind to free itself from the pressure of concentrated labour during the day's work.
She never cared to talk of Theosophy in the evenings. The mental tension during the day was so severe that she needed above all things rest, and so I procured as many journals and magazines as I could, and from these I would read the articles and passages that I thought most likely to interest and amuse her.
At nine o'clock she went to bed, where she would surround herself with her Russian newspapers and read them until a late hour.
It was thus our days passed in the same routine; the only change worth noticing being that sometimes she would leave the door open between her writing room and the dining room where I sat, and then from time to time we would converse together, or I would write letters for her, or discuss the contents of those we had received.
Our visitors were very few. Once a week the doctor called to enquire after H.P.B.'s health, and he would stay gossiping for more than an hour.
Sometimes but rarely, our landlord, a Jew of material tendencies, would tell a good story of life as he saw it through his spectacles, and many a laugh we all had together — a pleasant interruption to the daily monotony of our work.
At this time I learned little more concerning The Secret Doctrine than that it was to be a work far more voluminous than his Isis Unveiled that it would consist when complete of four volumes, and that it would give out to the world as much of the esoteric doctrine as was possible at the present stage of himian evolution.
- "It will, of course, bejvery fragmentary," she said, "and there will of necessity be great gaps left, but it will make men think, and as soon as they are ready more will be given out. But," she added after a pause, "that will not be until the next century, when men will begin to understand and discuss this book intelligently."
Soon, however, I was entrusted with the task ot making fair copies of H.P.B.'s manuscript, and then of course I began to get glimpses of the subject matter of The Secret Doctrine.
Babaji
I have previously not alluded to the presence at Wurzburg of a Hindu gentleman, who, for a time, was a prominent figure in our little society.
It was at Adyar one day that an Indian, begrimed with dirt, clad in tattered garments, and with a miserable expression of countenance, made his way into Madame Blavatsky's presence. He cast himself at her feet and with tears in his voice and eyes entreated her to save him.
On enquiry it appeared that in a mood of religious exaltation he had wandered away into the jungle with the intention of renouncing society, becoming a "forest-dweller," and devoting himself to religious contemplation a|id yoga practices. Here he had joined a yogi who was willing to accept him as his chela or pupil, and had spent some time in study of the difficult and dangerous system of "Hatha Yoga" a system which relies almost exclusively on physiological processes for the development of psychic powers.
At last, overcome by terror at his experiences, and the formidable training he had to undergo, he made his escape from his Guru. By what circumstances he was led to H.P.B. does not appear, but he reached her, and she comforted him and calmed his mind, clothed and fed him, and then, at his request, began to teach him the truly spiritual path of development, the Raja Yoga philosophy.
In return he vowed a life-long devotion, and when she left India for Europe he persuaded her to bring him with her.
He was a little man, of nervous temperament, with bright beady eyes.
During the first few days that I spent at Wurzburg he was for ever talking to me, translating stories from his Tamil books, and relating all sorts of wonderful adventures that had happened to him when he was in the forest with his Hatha Yog master.
But he did not remain long in Wurzburg. Madame Gebhard sent him a cordial invitation to pay her a visit at Elberfeld, and so one morning, after an effusive scene of leave-taking with H.P.B., during which he declared she had been more than a mother to him, that the days he had spent with her had been the happiest of his life, he departed — I regret to say never to return.
Too soon flattery turned his head and his heart, and the poor little man was false to all that shoidd have been most sacred to him.
I wish to pass very lightly over incidents such as this, which, I am sorry to say, was not an isolated instance of ingratitude and desertion, but was, perhaps, the one which affected H.P.B. most painfully. I mention it here to show an example of the mental distress which, added to physical maladies and weakness, rendered progress with her task slow and painful.
Richard Hodgson's Report
The quiet studious life that I have tried to describe continued for some little time, and the work progressed steadily, until, one morning, a thunderbolt descended upon us. By the early post, without a word of warning, H.P.B. received a copy of the well-known Report of the Society for Psychical Research (SPR).
It was a cruel blow, and, in the form it took, wholly unexpected. I shall never forget that day nor the look of blank and stony despair that she cast on me when I entered her sitting-room and found her with the book open in her hands.
- "This," she cried, "is the Karma of the Theosophical Society, and it falls upon me. I am the scapegoat. I am made to bear all the sins of the Society, and now that I am dubbed the greatest impostor of the age, and a Russian spy into the bargain, who will listen to me or read The Secret Doctrine? How can I carry on Master's work? O cursed phenomena, which I only produced to please private friends and instruct those around me. What an awful Karma to bear! How shall I live through it? If I die Master's work will be wasted, and the Society will be ruined!"
In the intensity of her passion at first she would not listen to reason, but turned against me, saying:
- "Why don't you go? Why don't you leave me? You are a Countess, you cannot stop here with a ruined woman, with one held up to scorn before the whole world, one who will be pointed at everywhere as a trickster and an impostor. Go before you are defiled by my shame."
- "H.P.B.," I said, as my eyes met hers with a steady gaze, "you know that Master lives and that He is your Master, and that the Theosophical Society was founded by Him. How, then, can it perish? And since I know this as well as you, since for me, now, the truth has been placed beyond the possibiHty of doubt, how can you for one moment suppose that I could desert you and the Cause we both are pledged to serve? Why, if every member of the Theosophical Society should prove traitor to that Cause you and I would remain, and would wait and work until the good times come again."
Letters came in containing nothing but recrimination and abuse, resignation of Fellows, and apathy and fear on the part of those who remained.
It was a trying time; the very existence of the Theosophical Society seemed threatened, and H.P.B. felt as if it were crumbling away from under her feet.
Her sensitive nature was too deeply wounded, her indignation and resentment at unmerited wrong too strongly stirred, to listen at first to counsels of patience and moderation. Nothing would serve but she must start for London at once and annihilate her enemies in the flames of her just wrath.
At last, however, I pacified her, but only for a time. Every post only increased her anger and despair, and for a long time no useful work could be done.
She recognised at last that for her there was no hope or remedy in legal proceedings in this country any more than in India. This is proved by a passage from a Protest which she contributed to Mr. Sinnett's reply to the Report entitled "The Occult World Phenomena and the Society for Psychical Research," and which I will quote.
« Mr. Hodgson knows —she wrote— and the Committee doubtless share his knowledge, that he is safe from actions for libel at my hands, because I have no money to conduct costly proceedings (having given all I ever had to the cause I serve).
And also because my vindication would involve the examination into psychic mysteries which cannot be dealt fairly with in a court of law; and again, because there are questions which I am solemnly pledged never to answer, but which a legal investigation of these slanders would inevitably bring to the front, while my silence and refusal to answer certain queries would be misconstrued into 'contempt of court.'
This condition of things explains the shameless attack that has been made upon an almost defenceless woman, and the inaction in face of it to which I am so cruelly condemned."
I may quote, too, to supplement my own account of this trying time, Mr. Sinnett's impressions in regard to it given in "Incidents in the Life of Madame Blavatsky":
« For a whole fortnight —he says— the tumult of Madame Blavatsky's emotions rendered any further progress with her work impossible. Her volcanic temperament renders her in all emergencies a very bad exponent of her own case, whatever that may be.
The letters, memoranda and protests on which she wasted her energies during this miserable fortnight were few, if any, of a kind that would have helped a cold and unsympathetic public to understand the truth of things, and it is not worth while to resuscitate them here.
I induced her to tone down one protest into a presentable shape for insertion in a pamphlet I issued in the latter part of January, and for the rest few but her most intimate friends would correctly appreciate their fire and fury.
Her language, when she is in fits of excitement, would lead a stranger to suppose her thirsting for revenge, beside herself with passion, ready to exact savage vengeance on her enemies if she ha(} the power.
It is only those who know her as intimately as half-a-dozen of her closest friends may, who are quite aware through all this effervescence of feeling that if her enemies were really put suddenly in her power, her rage against them would collapse like a broken soap-bubble."
To conclude this episode I may perhaps be permitted to quote a letter of my own, addressed to Mr. Sinnett at that time and published in his book Incidents in the Life of Madame Blavatsky and in the American newspaper press, where I summarize some impressions of my stay at Wurzburg. I shall omit the first paragraph, which deals only with what I have already described.
« Having heard the absurd rumours circulating against her (H.P.B.) and by which she was accused of practising black magic, fraud and deception, I was on my guard, and went to her in a calm and tranquil frame of mind, determined to accept nothing of an occult character commg from her without sufficient proof; to make myself positive, to keep my eyes open, and to be just and true in my conclusions.
Common sense would not permit me to believe in her guilt without proof, but if that proof had been furnished, my sense of honour would have made it impossible for me to remain in a Society, the founder of which committed cheating and trickery: therefore my frame of mind was bent on investigation, and I was anxious to find out the truth.
I have now spent a few months with Madame Blavatsky. I have shared her room and been with her morning, noon and night. I have had access to all her boxes and drawers, have read the letters which she received and those which she wrote, and I now openly and honestly declare that I am ashamed of myself for having ever suspected her, for I believe her to be an honest and true woman, faithful to death to her Masters, and to the cause for which she has sacrificed position, fortune and health.
There is no doubt in my mind that she made these sacrifices, for I have seen the proofs of them, some of which consisted of documents whose genuineness is above all suspicion.
From a worldly point of view Madame Blavatsky is an unhappy woman, slandered, doubted, and abused by many; but, looked at from a higher point of view, she has extraordinary gifts, and no amount of vilification can deprive her of the privileges which she enjoys, and which consist in a know edge of many things that are known to only a few mortals, and in a personal intercourse with certain Eastern Adepts.
On account of the extensive knowledge which she ossesses, and which extends far into the invisible part of nature, is very much to be regretted that all her troubles and trials pi ovent her giving to the world a great deal of information, which she would be willing to impart if she were permitted to remain undisturbed and in peace.
Even the great work in which she is now engaged, The Secret Doctrine, has been greatly impeded by all the persecutions, offensive letters, and other petty annoyances, to which she has been subjected this winter; for it should be remembered that H.P. Blavatsky is not herself a full-grown Adept, nor does she claim to be one, and that, therefore, in spite of all her knowledge, she is as painfully sensitive to insult and suspicion as any lady of refinement in her position could be expected to be.
The Secret Doctrine will be indeed a great and grand work, I have had the privilege of watching its progress, of reading the manuscripts, and of witnessing the occult way in which she derived her information.
I have latterly heard, among people who style themselves 'Theosophists,' expressions which surprised and pained me. Some such persons said that if it were proven that the Mahatmas did not exist, it would not matter, that Theosophy was nevertheless a truth, etc., etc.
Such and similar statements have come into circulation in Germany, England and America; but to my understanding they are very erroneous, for, in the first place, if there were no Mahatmas or Adepts — that is to say, persons who have progressed so far in the scale of human evolution as to be able to unite their personality with the sixth principle of the universe (the universal Christ) — then the teachings of that system which has been called Theosophy would be false; because there would be a break in the scale of progression, which would be more difficult to account for than the absence of the 'missing link' of Darwin.
But if these persons refer merely to those Adepts who are said to have been active in the foundation of the Theosophical Society, they seem to forget that without these Adepts we would never have had that society, nor would Isis Unveiled, Esoteric Buddhism, Light on the Path, The Theosophist, and other valuable Theosophical publications have ever been written; and if, in the future, we should shut ourselves out firom the influence of the Mahatmas, and be left entirely to our own resources, we should soon become lost in a labyrinth of metaphysical speculation.
It must be left to science and speculative philosophy to confine themselves to theories, and to the obtaining of such information as is contained in books: Theosophy goes farther, and acquires knowledge by direct interior perception.
The study of Theosophy means therefore practical development and to attain this development a guide is necessary who knows that which he teaches, and who must have attained himself that state by the process of spiritual regeneration.
After all that has been said in Mr. Sinnett's Memoirs about the Occult phenomena taking place in the presence of Madame Blavatsky, and how such phenomena have been a part and parcel of her life, occurring at all times, both with and without her knowledge, I need only add that during my stay with her I have frequently witnessed such genuine phenomena. Here, as in every other department in life, the main point is to learn to discriminate properly, and to estimate everything at its true value.
Yours sincerely,
Constance Wachtmeister, F.T.S.
CHAPTER 5
Difficult times
It is little to be wondered at that the progress of The Secret Doctrine was brought to a standstill during these stormy days, and that when, at last, the work was resumed, the necessary detachment and tranquillity of mind were found hard of attainment.
H.P.B. said to me one evening:
- "You cannot imagine what it is to feel so many adverse thoughts and currents directed against you; it is like the prickings of a thousand needles, and I have continually to be erecting a wall of protection around me."
I asked her whether she knew from whom these unfriendly thoughts came, she answered:
- "Yes"; unfortunately I do, and I am always trying to shut my eyes so as not to see and know."
And to prove to me that this was the case, she would tell me of letters that had been written, quoting passages from them, and these actuall}' arrived a day or two afterwards, I being able to verify the correctness of the sentences.
One day at this time, when I walked into H.P.B.'s writing room, I found the floor strewn with sheets of discarded manuscript. I asked the meaning of this scene of confusion, and she replied:
- "Yes, I have tried twelve times to write this one page correctly, and each time Master says it is wrong. I think I shall go mad, writing it so often; but leave me alone; I will not pause until I have conquered it, even if I have to go on all night."
I brought a cup of coffee to refresh and sustain her, and then left her to prosecute her weary task.
An hour later I heard her voice calling me, and on entering found that, at last, the passage was completed to satisfaction, but the labour had been terrible, and the results were often at this time small and uncertain.
As she leant back enjoying her cigarette and the sense of relief from arduous effort, I rested on the arm of her great chair and asked her how it was she could make mistakes in setting down what was given to her. She said:
- "Well, you see, what I do is this. I make what I can only describe as a sort of vacuum in the air before me, and fix my sight and my will upon it, and soon scene after scene passes before me like the successive pictures of a diorama, or, if I need a reference or information from some book, I fix my mind intently, and the astral counterpart of the book appears, and from it I take what I need.
The more perfectly my mind is freed from distractions and mortifications, the more energy and intentness it possesses, the more easily I can do this; but today, after all the vexations I have undergone in consequence of the letter from X., I could not concentrate properly, and each time I tried I got the quotations all wrong. Master says it is right now, so let us go in and have some tea."
Phenomenal hits on a table
I have already remarked how few were our visitors at this time. This evening, however, I was surprised to hear the sound of a strange voice in the passage, and soon afterwards a German professor, whose name I need not give, was announced.
He excused his intrusion; he had travelled many miles, he said, to see Madame Blavatsky, and to express his sympathy. He was aware of the animus and unfairness that characterised the S.P.R. Report and now, would not Madame favour him with an exhibition, in the interests of psychic science, of some of the "phenomena" she could so easily produce?
Now "the Old Lady" was very tired, and perhaps she had not too much faith in the suave professions of her visitor; anyhow, she was very disinclined to gratify him, but at last, overpersuaded by his entreaties, she consented to produce some trifling experiments in psycho-electric force —raps— the simplest, easiest, and most familiar of these "phenomena."
She begged him to draw away the table that stood in front of her to some distance, so that he could pass freely round it and inspect it on all sides.
- "Now," she said, "I will rap for you on that table as many times as you please."
He asked first for three times, then five times, then seven times, and so on, and as H.P.B. raised her finger, pointing it at the table, there came sharp, distinct raps in accordance with his expressed wish.
The Professor seemed delighted. He skipped round the table with wonderful agility, he peeped under it, he examined it on all sides, and when H.P.B. was too exhausted to gratify his curiosity in this direction any longer, he sat down and plied her with questions, to all of which she replied with her usual vivacity and charm of manner.
At length our visitor took his departure — unconvinced, as we afterwards learned. He was a disciple of Huxley, and preferred to adopt any explanation, however absurd, provided it did not clash with his own theories.
Poor H.P.B.! Her swollen and painful limbs, that could hardly bear her from chair to couch, were little fitted for the gymnastics the Professor credited them with.
Her astral vision
The circumstance which, perhaps, more than any other attracted my attention and excited my wonder when I began to help Madame Blavatsky as her amanuensis, and thus got some glimpses of the nature of her work upon The Secret Doctrine, was the poverty of her travelling library.
Her manuscripts were full to overflowing with references, quotations, allusions, from a mass of rare and recondite works on subjects of the most varied kind.
Now she needed verification of a passage from some book only to be found at the Vatican, and again from some document of which only the British Museum possessed a copy. Yet it was only verification she needed. The matter she had, however she may have gained it — certainly she could not have procured her information from the handful of very ordinary books she carried about with her.
Shortly after my arrival in Wurzburg she took occasion to ask me if I knew anyone who could go for her to the Bodleian Library. It happened that I did know someone I could ask, so my friend verified a passage that H.P.B. had seen in the Astral Light, with the title of the book, the chapter, page and figures all correctly noted.
Such visions often present the image of the original reversed, as it might be seen in a looking-glass, and though words can, with a little practice, be read easily, and the general sense and context prevent serious error, it is much more difficult to avoid mistakes in figures, and it was figures that were in question on this occasion.
Once a very difficult task was assigned to me, namely, to verify a passage taken from a manuscript in the Vatican. Having made the acquaintance of a gentleman who had a relative in the Vatican, I with some difficulty succeeded in verifying the passage.
Two words were wrong, but all the remainder correct, and, strangely enough, I was told that these words, being considerably blurred, were difficult to decipher.
These are but a few instances out of many. If ever H.P.B. wanted definite information on any subject which came uppermost in her writing, that information was sure to reach her in one way or another, either in a communication from a friend at a distance, in a newspaper or a magazine, or in the course of our casual reading of books; and this happened with a frequency and appositeness that took it quite out of the region of mere coincidence. She would, however, use normal means in preference to the abnormal when possible, so as not to exhaust her power unnecessarily.
Invisible help
I was not alone in remarking the assistance that came unsought to H.P.B. in the prosecution of her task, and the accuracy of the quotations that she received, and I insert here a note sent me by Miss E. Kislingbury, which illustrates the point and sets it in a strong light.
« After the publication of the now famous Psychical Society's Report, of which I felt strongly the injustice, I determined to go and see Madame Blavatsky, then living, I was told, at Wurzburg.
I found her living quietly in the quaint old German town, with the Countess Wachtmeister, who had stayed with her all the winter. She was ill, suffering from a complication of disorders, and under constant medical treatment.
She was harassed, mentally, by the defection of friends and the petty assaults of enemies, in consequence of the above named Report, and yet, in face of all these difficulties, H.P.B. was engaged on the colossal task of writing The Secret Doctrine.
In a foreign town, the language of whose inhabitants was unfamiliar to her, with only such books as she had carried with her from India, far from any friends who could have helped her in finding needful references or making useful notes, she toiled away, rarely leaving her desk, except for meals, from early morning till six o'clock in the evening.
But H.P.B. had her invisible helpers as she sat writing in the room sacred to her work. As I was not at that time a member of the Theosophical Society., though I had known H.P.B. almost since its foundation, little was said either fo me or before me of the methods used.
One day, however, she brought me a paper with a quotation which had been given her from some Catholic writer on the relation between science and religion, and asked whether I could help her in verifying it, as to the author and work in which it occurred.
It struck me, from the nature of the quotation, that it might be from Cardinal Wiseman's Lectures on Science and Religion, and I wrote to a iriend in London, with the result that the verification was complete, chapter and page being found, as it now stands in The Secret Doctrine, vol. II., p. 704."
CHAPTER 6
Another incident of frequent occurrence came under my notice from time to time, and marks another mode in which guidance and aid were given to H.P.B. in her work.
Often, in the early morning, I would see on her writing-table a piece of paper with unfamiliar characters traced upon it in red ink. On asking her what was the meaning of these mysterious notes, she replied that they indicated her work for the day.
(Cid's note: Master Kuthumi used to write in blue, while Master Morya used to write in red, so he was most likely the one who left those directives.)
These were examples of the "precipitated" messages which have been the subject of so much heated controversy, even within the ranks of the Theosophical Society, and of endless unintelligent ridicule without — "the 'red and blue spook-like messages,' as X. truly calls them," to quote from a letter of H.P.B., written about this time, and since published in The Path. In the same letter she goes on to say:
"Was it fraud? Certainly not.
Was it written and produced by elementals? Never.
It was delivered, and the physical phenomena are produced by elementals used for the purpose, but what have they, those senseless beings, to do with the intelligent portions of the smallest and most foolish message?"
It is, perhaps, little to be wondered at that such messages should, in the present state of ignorance in regard to the possibilities of psychic phenomena, be received with suspicion. The best that could be hoped from the average man or woman would be a suspension of judgment, accompanied by a willingness to learn and investigate.
But when we come to examine H.P.B.'s own behaviour in presence of these messages we get an incontrovertible proof of her bona fides. To her they came direct, and the injunctions they contained were always met by her with submission and obedience, even when she would have preferred to act otherwise.
Much information was destroyed
How often, then, did I grieve over reams of manuscript, carefully prepared and copied, and, at a word, an intimation from the Masters, consigned to the flames — stores of information and commentary that it seems to me would be of priceless value to us now that we have lost our Teacher.
At that time, it is true, I understood very little of what I copied, and did not realise the value of the teachings as I do now. I have often since thought that I was the more fitted for my task on that very account, since, as only fragments and hints are given out in The Secret Doctrine, H.P.B. may in the early days have set down much that it was not advisable to make known to anyone, even to one who, like myself, was an earnest though untried pupil.
Indeed, I know for a fact that much really esoteric teaching had to be weeded out of her original writings, and, as I have said, much both of her MSS. and my copies was destroyed.
At that time, too, I never got any satisfactory answers to my enquiries, so that at last I learned to be silent and rarely or never asked a question.
Teaching was difficult at that time
It is very difficult for those who enter the Theosophical Society now to realise the condition of things at the time of which I am writing. At that time no such opportunities for study and progress were afforded to the student of Theosophy as are now lavished upon the candidate for membership, and the applicant for instruction. Then there were no lectures and very few books.
H.P.B. herself was constitutionally, and by the innate turn of her mind, unfitted for the task of orderly and patient exposition of her teachings.
I have before me a letter of hers, undated, but written about this time from Elberfeld, whither she went after Wurzburg, which gives a vivid picture of her droll despair at having such a burden imposed upon her.
I give the extracts from her correspondence verbatim, for the quaintness of her phraseology was a peculiar characteristic of her own, and it is well known that as yet her English was very imperfect.
« If you are 'distressed' —she writes to me— I am at an utter loss to understand what is expected of me! I have never promised to play guru, schoolmaster, or professor for Y., or any one else.
Master told him to go to Elberfeld, and Master told me that he was to come and that I would have to answer his questions. I have done so, and can do no more. I have read to him from the Secret Doctrine and found I could not proceed, for he interrupted me at every line, and not only with questions, but generally made a dissertation as an answer to his own question, which answer lasted twenty minutes.
As for Y., he will answer you for himself, as I made him write to you. I told you repeatedly that I have never taught anyone but in my own usual way.
Olcott and Judge have learnt all they know by associating with me. If I had to be inflicted the punishment of giving regular instructions in a professor-like way for one hour, let alone two in a day, I would lather run away to the North Pole or die any day, severing my connection with Theosophy entirely.
I am incapable of it, as everyone ought to know who knows me. To this day I could not make out what Y. wants to know. Is it Occultism, Metaphysics, or the principles of Theosophy in general?
If the former, I find him absolutely unfit for it! We have made a pledge (that M.G. will send you) and Y. insisted on including among the members of that secret pledge his wife, and now, when we have signed it, we find that he has no idea of using his will-power, and that his wife thinks it sinful. (!!)
So what's the use?
As to Metaphysics, he can learn them from M. I told him that M. knows nothing of our Occult doctrines, and could not teach him, but he can explain to him Bhagavad Gita better than I can.
. . .
That's all I can say. I am sick and nervous more than ever. The current of the S.D, has stopped, and it will take two months before I can regain that state in which I was at Wurzburg.
"To write it I must be left entirely quiet, and if I am to be bothered with teachings, then I must give up the S.D, Let people choose and see which is more useful — that the S.D. should be written or Y. instructed. »
A privileged individual in these early days might perhaps get into correspondence with an older member, but, at best, the aifficulties were great, and it was only a determined will to overcome all obstacles, and, one may perhaps add, a Karmic inheritance of natural aptitude, that could supply by inherent energy the lack of the facilities that are now so generously presented.
Then, in our most sanguine moments, we never dreamed of a large society with American, Indian and European Sections, and with numerous branches and centres of activity in almost every important coimtry of the world. It seemed to us that all that could be hoped for was a scanty band of faithful students, a group of earnest disciples, to keep alight the sparks of occult teachings until the last quarter of the twentieth century, when, with the advent of a new minor cycle, a fresh access of spiritual light might be looked for.
But as even these few years have slipped by, and though they have robbed us of the bodily presence of our Teacher, we have come to learn a different lesson; we have been forced to recognise how we miscalculated the strength of the Spiritual forces behind the movement.
It becomes clearer and clearer, day by day, that Theosophy, in its broad outlines at least, is no exclusive privilege of a favoured few, but is a free gift to humanity at large, and that in its influence on the current of modern thought it must survive as a potent factor against the pessimistic materialism of the age.
CHAPTER 7
The paranormal phenomena that the Countess witnessed
Living in such close and familiar intercourse with H.P.B. as I did at this time, it naturally happened that I was a witness of many of the "phenomena" which took place in her vicinity.
There was one occurrence, continuously repeated over a long period, which impressed me very strongly with the conviction that she was watched and cared for by unseen guardians. From the first night that I passed in her room, until the last that preceded our departure from Wurzburg, I heard a regularly intermittent series of raps on the table by her bedside.
They would begin at ten o'clock each evening, and would continue, at intervals of ten minutes, until six o'clock in the morning. They were sharp, clear raps, such as I never heard at any other time.
Sometimes I held my watch in my hand for an hour at a stretch, and always as the ten minute interval ticked itself out, the rap would come with the utmost regularity.
Whether H.P.B. was awake or asleep mattered nothing to the occurrence of the phenomenon, nor to its uniformity.
When I asked for an explanation of these raps I was told that it was an effect of what might be called a sort of psychic telegraph, which placed her in communication with her Teachers, and that the chelas might watch her body while her astral left it.
In this connection I may mention another incident that proved to me that there were agencies at work in her neighbourhood whose nature and action were inexplicable on generally accepted theories of the constitution and laws of matter.
As I have already remarked, H.P.B. was accustomed to read her Russian newspapers at night after retiring, and it was rarely that she extinguished her lamp before midnight. There was a screen between my bed and this lamp, but, nevertheless, its powerful rays, reflected from ceiling and walls, often disturbed my rest.
One night this lamp was burning after the clock had struck one. I could not sleep, and, as I heard by H.P.B.'s regular breathing that she slept, I rose, gently walked round to the lamp, and turned it out.
There was always a dim light pervading the bedroom, which came from a night-light burning in the study, the door between tfaat room and the bedroom being kept open.
I had extinguished the lamp, and was going back, when it flamed up again, and the room was brightly illuminated. I thought to myself — what a strange lamp, I suppose the spring does not act, so I put my hand again on the spring, and watched until every vestige of flame was extinct, and, even then, held down the spring for a minute. Then I released it and stood for a moment longer watching, when, to my surprise, the flame reappear,ed and the lamp was burning as brightly as ever.
This puzzled me considerably, and I determined to stand there by that lamp and put it out all through the night, if necessary, until I discovered tljrfwhy and wherefore of its eccentricities. For the third time I pressed the spring and turned it down until tine lamp was quite out, and then released it, watching eagerly to see what would take place.
For the third time the lamp burned up, and this time I saw a brown hand slowly and gently turning the knob of the lamp.
Familiar as I was with the action of astral forces and astral entities on the physical plane, I had no difficulty in coming to the conclusion that it was the hand of a chela, and, surmising that there was some reason why the lamp should remain alight, I returned to my couch.
But a spirit of perversity and curiosity dwelt within me that night. I wanted to know more, so I called out, "Madame Blavatsky!" then, louder, "Madame Blavatsky!" and again "Madame Blavatsky!"
Suddenly I heard an answering cry:
- "Oh, my heart! my heart! Countess, you have nearly killed me."
And then again:
- "My heart! my heart!"
I flew to H.P.B.'s bedside:
- "I was with Master," she murmured, "why did you call me back?"
I was thoroughly alarmed, for her heart fluttered under my hand with wild palpitation. I gave her a dose of digitalis, and sat beside her until the symptoms had abated and she had become calmer.
Then she told me how Col. Olcott had once nearly killed her in the same way, by calling her back suddenly when her astral form was absent from her body. She made me promise that I would never try experiments with her again, and this promise I readily gave, out of the fulness of my grief and contrition for having caused her such suffering.
Why didn't Blavatsky use her powers for her own benefit?
But why, it will be asked, did she continue to suffer, with powers at her command which could relieve suffering?
Why, when she was labouring at so important a task through long hours of every day — a task that needed a mind untroubled and a sound body — why did she never stretch out a fing'er to amend the conditions and to banish weakness and pain that would have prostrated any ordinary person completely?
The question is a natural one, and it did not fail to occur to me, knowing as I did the healing powers she possessed, and her capacity to alleviate the pains of others.
When the question was put to her, her answer was invariably the same.
- "In occultism," she said, "a most solemn vow has to be taken never to use any powers acquired or conferred for the benefit of one's own personal self, for to do so would be to set foot on the steep and treacherous slope that ends in the abyss of Black Magic.
I have taken that vow, and I am not one to break a pledge the sanctity of which cannot be brought within the comprehension of the profane. I would rather suffer any tortures than be untrue to my pledge.
As for securing more favourable conditions for the execution of my task: "it is not with us that the end is held to justify the means, nor is it we who are permitted to do evil that good may come. And," she went on, "it is not only bodily pain and weakness, and the ravages of disease that I am to suffer with what patience I may, subduing them by my will for the sake of the work, but mental pain, ignominy, opprobrium and ridicule."
Blavatsky's sacrifice
All this was no exaggeration, no mere form of emotional expression. It was true and remained true until her death, both in fact and in the history of the society.
Upon her, standing in the forefront of the ranks of the Theosophical Society, fell the poisoned darts of reprobation and misrepresentation, as upon a living sensitive shield or bulwark, behind which the real culprits, the weak and erring ones, were concealed and protected.
She was, as it were, a sacrificial victim accepting a long martyrdom, and upon her agony, and the shame which she bore so undeservedly and bravely, was built up the prosperity of the Theosophical Society.
Very few members of the Theosophical Society are in a position to realise this. It is only those who have lived with her day by day, who have seen her hourly sufferings, and the tortures she endured from slanders and insults, and have, at the same time, watched the growth and prosperity of the Society in the comparatively calm and genial atmosphere secured to it by the shelter her conspicuous personality afforded, who can judge of the greatness of the debt they owe her, while too many do not even suspect their indebtedness.
(Cid's observation: unfortunately the Theosophical Society was much distorted during Annie Besant's presidency.)
CHAPTER 8
One day a temptation came to her in the form of a large yearly salary if she would write for the Russian papers. She might write, she was told, on occultism or any other subject which pleased her, if she would only contribute to their columns. Here was a promise of comfort and ease for the remainder of her life. Two hours' labour every day would be ample to satisfy all demands made on her time; but then no Secret Doctrine would be written.
I spoke of a compromise, and asked her if it would not be possible for her to accept this engagement, and, at the same time, continue her Theosophical work:
- "No — a thousand times no!" she answered. "To write such a work as The Secret Doctrine I must have all my thoughts turned in the direction of that current. It is difficult enough even now, hampered as I am with this sick and worn-out old body, to get all I want, how much more difficult, then, if I am to be continually changing the currents into other directions. I have no longer the vitality. or the energy left in me. Too much of it was exhausted at the time when I produced my phenomena."
- "Why, then, did you make these phenomena?" I asked her.
- "Because people were continually bothering me," she replied. "It was always, 'Oh, do materialise this,' or, 'do let me hear the astral bells,' and so on, and then I did not like to disappoint them. I acceded to their request. Now I have to suffer for it!"
So the letter was written to Russia containing the refusal of the splendid offer, and one more sacrifice was made in order that the Theosophical Society might live and prosper.
Why did Blavatsky produce these phenomena?
Many people have remarked to me, at different times, how foolish it was that "phenomena" should ever have been connected with the Theosophical Society or that H.P.B. should ever have wasted her time over such trivialities.
To these remarks H.P.B. has invariably given the same answer, namely, that at the time when the Theosophical Society was formed it was necessary to draw the attention of the public to the fact, and that phenomena served this object more effectually than anything else could have done.
Had H.P.B. given herself out in the first instance as simply a teacher of philosophy, very few students would have been drawn to her side, for, twenty years ago, many people had not reached the point at which they have now arrived. Freedom of thought and opinion were of rarer occurrence, and the study and the thought which are necessary for a true appreciation of Theosophy would have frightened them away.
Education was at a lower level then than it is at the present day, and it required an attraction, such as is provided by the love of the marvellous, to awaken in them that initial interest which was destined to make them think more deeply.
And so phenomena started the Society, but, having once introduced this element, it was difficult to get rid of it when it had served its turn. All came eager to have their sense of wonder gratified, and, when disappointed, went away wrathful and indignant.
Master Morya's letters
We had a small, but very comfortable, apartment in Wurzburg; the rooms were of a good size, lofty, and on the ground floor, so as to enable H.P.B. to go out and in with comfort. But during all the time that I was with her I could only persuade her to take fresh air three times.
She seemed to enjoy these drives, but the trouble and exertion of preparing for them wearied her, and she esteemed them mere loss of time.
I was in the habit, if possible, of going out daily for half an hour, as I felt that both air and exercise were necessary for my health, and I recall a curious incident which happened to me in connection with one of these walks.
I was walking in one of the most frequented parts of the town, and, as I passed a perfumer's shop, I saw some soap in a glass bowl in the window. Remembering that I required some, I walked into the shop and chose a piece from the bowl.
I saw the shopman wrap paper around it, took the parcel from his hand, put it in my pocket, and continued my walk. When I returned to my apartment I went straight to my room, without first going to see H.P.B., and took oflf my hat and cloak. Taking the parcel out of my pocket, I began to unfasten the string and pull oflf the wrappings, and, as I did so, I perceived a small sheet of folded paper inside.
I could not help thinking, how fond people are of advertisements, they even stick them on a cake of soap, but then I suddenly remembered that I had seen the man fasten up the parcel, and that he assuredly had not inserted any.
This struck me as strange, and, as the paper had fallen to the ground, I stooped down and picked it up, opened it, and there found a few remarks addressed to me from H.P.B.'s Master in His handwriting, which I had often seen before.
They were an explanation of events which had been puzzling me for some days past, and gave me some directions as to my future course of action. This phenomenon was peculiarly interesting to me as having taken place without H.P.B.'s knowledge, and independently of her, for she was writing quite unconcernedly at her table in her writing room at the time, as I ascertained later on.
Since H.P.B.'s death, letters have been received from this same Master by various persons, showing his action as independen t from that of H.P.B., but it was interesting to witnes this even during her lifetime, and I recall another incident where a phenomenon of a similar nature occurred.
Dr. Hartmann had written me a letter requesting me to ascertain something from the Master relative to himself. I showed the letter to H.P.B. and asked her if she would communicate. She replied:
- "No, see what you can do with it yourself. Put it on Master's portrait, and if Master wishes to reply to Hartmann, the letter will be taken."
I closed H.P.B.'s door and went to my writing table, where a portrait in oils of the Master was standing, placed the letter in the frame, took up a book, and read for about half an hour, nobody coming into the room during that time. When I looked up the letter was gone.
A few days passed during which I heard nothing. But one evening, on receiving the letters from the postman, I saw one from Dr. Hartmann, and thought to myself how bulky it was, and how strange that more postage should not have been charged on it.
When I opened the envelope I took out first the Doctor's letter which I had placed on the portrait, then a letter from the Master answering Hartmann's questions, and lastly, the fresh letter from the Doctor, on the margin of which were annotations made in Master's handwriting relative to the matter contained in the letter. On the watside of Hartmann's letter was a seal with Master's signature precipitated on the envelope.
Phenomena such as these were constantly occurring. Letters received were frequently annotated inside in Master's handwriting, comments being made on what was written, or else letters disappeared for several days and, when returned, remarks were made as to contents.
The first time this happened to me it caused me a good deal of surprise. Early one morning, at the breakfast table (letters were mostly brought to us by the first post), H.P.B. received several letters which she was immediately occupied in reading.
I found one from Sweden which caused me some perplexity. Not knowing how to answer it, I placed it on the table beside me and went on eating my breakfast, cogitating over the contents. I soon finished my repast and, getting up, put out my hand to take the letter. It was gone. I searched under my plate, on the ground, in my pocket, but could find it nowhere.
H.P.B. glanced up from the Russian letter she was reading and said:
- "What are you looking for?"
I replied:
- "For a letter I received this morning."
She said quietly:
- "It is useless to look for it. Master was by your side just now and I saw him take up an envelope."
Three days passed without any news of this letter, when one morning as I was busy writing in the dining room, I suddenly saw the envelope on the blotting pad before me, and on the margin of the letter were comments with intimations as to how I should act, and later experience proved to me how wise the advice was.
This I have invariably found to be the case, and had I always acted in accordance with advice given me from this source I should have been saved both monetary loss and a good deal of worry and trouble.
It was in this wise. I had purchased in Sweden, some years previously, a small estate near the seaside. It was a lovely place. Both time and thought were spent in repairing and furnishing the house, in arranging the gardens and park, in which I took great pride.
One day H.P.B. said to, me:
- "I wonder you do not sell your estate in Sweden, because then you would be more free to work for Tlieosophy."
I replied:
- "Oh! H.P.B., how can you ask me to do that? I should not like to part with my home after all the trouble and expense it has caused me, and besides I feel sure my son would be opposed to my selling it. I should also probably have much difficulty in finding a purchaser."
To which H.P.B. replied:
- "Master wished me to tell you that if you will at once offer your estate for sale you will be able to dispose of it without loss. Master has told you this because he knows you want to work for Theosophy, and it will be the saving of much trouble to you if you do so at once."
But I would not listen to her. In my inner heart I thought: H.P.B. wants me to sell the estate so as to bind me more closely to Theosophy. My friends are writing to me on all sides, sajdng that she is an intriguing old woman who is psychologizing me, and is using the Master's name simply to play on my credulity and force me to do what she wants. Here will be a good opportunity for me to show that I can keep my will free and preserve mj' independence of action.
Thus I took no steps in the matter. But I had reason to repent this later on, for I discovered that had I offered my estate for sale at that time I could have sold it most advantageously, also that my son would have raised no objection, in fact he urged my selling it, which I did, eventually, a few years later, at a considerable loss, after having had much worry and annoyance about it in the meantime.
Blavatsky's behavior
I have related this incident to show that H.P.B. did not coerce me in any way. I have often heard it said that those who lived with H.P.B. were mere puppets in her hands, and that she hypnotised them and forced them to do whatever suited her best.
Now this is a clear proof to the contrary in my case, and, though I had to suffer for it at the time, I am glad to be able to show how my mistrusting the Master's word through H.P.B. was exceedingly unwise.
Experience teaches one to be humble, for later knowledge proves the many errors in judgment we fall into during life, and in looking back over the years spent with H.P.B. I feel how much I lost by not understanding, or fully appreciating, her mission in life, as I do now.
It is my one continual regret that I lost so much of that precious time by not comprehending either her position or my own. But when I first went to her I was a woman of the world, one who had been a petted child of fortune.
Through my husband's political position I occupied a prominent place in society; it therefore took me a long time to realise the hollowness of what I had hitherto looked upon as being the most desirable objects in life, and it required much training and many a hard battle with myself before I could conquer the satisfaction in self which a life of idleness, ease, and high position is sure to engender.
So much had to be "knocked out of me," to use one of H.P.B.'s own phrases, and it is with a feeling of intense gratitude that I look back on the past, and think of all she did for me, and how she rendered me a slightly better instrument for the work in the Theosophical Society which it is both my duty and my pleasure to perform.
All who have known and loved H.P.B. have felt what a charm there was about her, how truly kind and loveable she was; at times such a bright childish nature seemed to beam around her, and a spirit of joyous fun would sparkle in her whole countenance, and cause the most winning expression that I have ever seen on a human face.
One of the marvels of her character was, that to everybody she was different. I have never seen her treat two persons alike. The weak traits in everyone's character were known to her at once, and the extraordinary way in which she would probe them was surprising. By those who lived in daily contact with her the knowledge of Self was gradually acquired, and by those who chose to benefit by her practical way of teaching progress could be made. But to many of her pupils the process was unpalatable, for it is never pleasant to be brought face to face with one's own weaknesses; and so many turned from her, but those who could stand the test, and remain true to her, would recognise within themselves the inner development which alone leads to Occultism.
A truer and more faithful friend one could never have than H.P.B., and I think it the greatest blessing of my life to have lived with her in such close intimacy, and until my death I shall try and further the noble cause for which she slaved and suffered so much.
The enchanted cuckoo
I have been lingering on many points which have nothing directly to do with the writing of The Secret Doctrine; but it seems to me that by showing some of the details of H.P.B.'s life at that time, one gains a better comprehension of the woman who wrote that stupendous work.
Day after day she would sit there writing through all the long hours, and nothing could be more monotonous and wearisome than her life regarded from an outside point of view.
But, I suppose, at that time she lived much in the inner world, and there saw sights and visions which compensated for the dreariness of her daily life. She had, however, a distraction of rather a peculiar nature. In front of her writing table, attached to the wall, was a cuckoo clock, and this used to behave in a very extraordinary manner.
Sometimes it would strike like a loud gong, then sigh and groan as if possessed, cuckooing in the most unexpected way. Our maid, Louise, who was the most dense and apathetic of mortals, was very much afraid of it, and told us solemnly one day that she thought the devil was in it.
- "Not that I believe in the devil," she said, "but this cuckoo almost speaks to me at times."
And so it did. One evening I went into the room and saw what appeared to me like streams of electric light coming out of the clock in all directions.
On telling H.P.B. she replied:
- "Oh, it is only the spiritual telegraph, they are laying it on stronger tonight on account of tomorrow's work."
Living in this atmosphere and coming into contact so continually with these, usually unseen, forces, this all seemed the true reality to me, and the outer world was that which appeared vague and unsatisfactory.
Blavatsky's first encounter with her master
Frequent mention has been made here of H.P.B.'s Master, and I think that it will be interesting to some of my readers to hear how she first became acquainted with her Teacher.
During her childhood she had often seen near her an Astral form, that always seemed to come in any moment of danger, and save her just at the critical point. H.P.B. had learnt to look upon this Astral form as a guardian angel, and felt that she was under His care and guidance.
When she was in London, in 1851, with her father, Colonel Hahn, she was one day out walking when, to her astonishment, she saw a tall Hindu in the street with some Indian princes. She immediately recognised him as the same person that she had seen in the Astral.
Her first impulse was to rush forward to speak to him, but he made her a sign not to move, and she stood as if spellbound while he passed on.
The next day she went into Hyde Park for a stroll, that she might be alone and free to think over her extraordinary adventure. Looking up, she saw the same form approaching her, and then her Master told her that he had come to London with the Indian princes on an important mission, and he was desirous of meeting her personally, as he required her cooperation in a work which he was about to undertake.
He then told her how the Theosophical Society was to be formed, and that he wished her to be the founder. He gave her a slight sketch of all the troubles she would have to undergo, and also told her that she would have to spend three years in Tibet to prepare her for the important' task.
After three days' serious consideration and consultation with her father, H.P.B. decided to accept the offer made to her and shortly afterwards left London for India.
In Wurzburg a curious incident occurred. Madame Fadeef — H.P.B.'s aunt — wrote to her that she was sending a box to the Ludwigstrasse containing what seemed to her a lot of rubbish.
The box arrived, and to me was deputed the task of unpacking it. As I took out one thing after another and passed them to Madame Blavatsky, I heard her give an exclamation of delight, and she said:
- "Come and look at this which I wrote in the year 1851, the day I saw my blessed Master."
And there in a scrap book in faded writing, I saw a few lines in which H.P.B. described the above interview. This scrap-book we still have in our possession. I copy the lines:
"A memorable night: a moonlit night at Ramsgate – August 12, 1851* – when I met my Master of my dreams."
On seeing the manuscript I asked why she had written Ramsgate instead of London, and H.P.B. told me that it was a blind, so that anyone casually taking up her book would not know where she had met her Master, and that her first interview with him had been in London as she had previously told me.
(* A note from Blavatsky on the side read: "On August 12th — that's July 31 Russian style — the day I was born — I was twenty years old.")
I was in England at the time of the visit of the Indians, and remember hearing that they and their suite were a fine set of men and one of them immensely tall.
Col. Olcott in his Old Diary Leaves for June, 1893, writes:
« I had ocular proof that at least some of those who worked with us were living men, from having seen them in the flesh in India, after having seen them in the Astral body in America and in Europe; from having touched and talked with them.
Instead of telling me that they were spirits, they told me they were as much alive as myself, and that each of them had his own peculiarities and capabilities, in short, his complete individuality.
They told me that what they had attained to I should one day myself acquire, how soon would depend entirely upon myself, and that I might anticipate nothing whatever from favour, but, like them, must gain every step, every inch of progress by my own exertions. »
CHAPTER 9
Visits from friends
But the winter sped by, and the spring came on, and one morning H.P.B. received a letter from a friend of several years' standing, one of the oldest members of the society. Miss Kislingbury, who wrote that she would come and pay us a visit.
We were delighted at the prospect, and hailed with pleasure the arrival of the companion of former days, who, having read the malignant attack of the Society for Psychical Research on H.P.B., could not rest till she came to assure her friend of her unabated affection and loyalty, and of her just indignation at the unfair and preposterous charges brought against her.
The day passed swiftly in hearing all the news from the outside world and in discussing the Theosophical Society generally.
At this time, too, we received a visit from Mr. and Madame Gebhard. They were both in great trouble, having lately lost a dearly loved son, and they received a warm and welcome greeting from H.P.B. and myself. They had been such true and kind friends that their visit to Wurzburg was like a ray of sunlight to us.
Summer trips
As we were now in full spring it was time to think of our summer plans and H.P.B. decided to spend the ensuing summer months at Ostend with her sister and niece.
Madame Gebhard was anxious to make a short stay in Austria and persuaded me to accompany her to Kempten, a very lonely place surrounded by lovely scenery. But its great charm and attraction for us lay in the fact that it was a town renowned for its haunted houses and the many occultists who resided there.
Dr. Franz Hartmann was there, and as we thought that we should like to become better acquainted with him, we made our plans, and began the arduous task of packing.
In a few days all H.P.B.'s boxes were corded and locked and the eventful journey was about to begin. Miss Kislingbury was returning to London, and kindly promised to accompany H.P.B. as far as Ostend. At Cologne they were to rest for a day or two and then proceed on their journey.
Mr. Gebhard had promised to go and see them in Cologne, and as his daughter lived in that town we felt that Miss Kislingbury and H.P.B. would be well cared for.
It was always a formidable thing for H.P.B. to travel, and I looked in dismay at the nine packages which were to be placed inside her railway carriage.
We started very early to go to the station, and there we seated H.P.B., surrounded by her numerous belongings, while we tried to make arrangements with the conductor to let her be alone in the compartment with Miss Kislingbury and her maid, Louise.
After much discussion and protestation he opened the door of a carriage for us, and then began the serious task of piling up all the baggage, consisting of pillows, coverlets, handbags, and the precious box containing the manuscript of The Secret Doctrine: this was never to be out of her sight. Well, poor H.P.B., who had not been out of her room for weeks, had to walk all along the platform, and this was performed with difficulty.
We got her comfortably settled, and were just rejoicing to think that the onerous task was satisfactorily completed, when one of the officials came to the door and began to remonstrate violently against the carriage being crowded with packages. He talked in German, H.P.B. answered in French, and I began to wonder how it would all end, when, fortunately, the whistle was heard and the train began to move out of the station.
A feeling of pity came over me for Miss Kishngbury, as a vision of all these packages having to be taken out of the train at Cologne came upon me, and I felt what a responsibility was hers.
A few hours later I was on the road towards the south with Mme. Gebhard. The days of our companionship sped by swiftly and pleasantly, and then we parted, she going to Wiesbaden and I returning to Sweden to spend the summer in my own home.
The first news I had of H.P.B. was that the day after she and Miss Kislingbury arrived in Cologne, Mr. Gebhard with several members of his family persuaded her to go and pay them a visit in Elberfeld. Miss Kislingbury returned to London and Madame Blavatsky went to the house of her kind friends.
During the siunmer months I frequently received letters from H.P.B., and the first news was of a sad nature. She had fallen on the slippery parquet of the Gebhard's house in Elberfeld and had unfortunately sprained her ankle and hurt her leg.
This naturally prevented her from carrying out her plan of continuing her journey to Ostend; she remained, therefore, with her friends, whose kindness was unbounded. They omitted nothing that might alleviate her sufferings and make life pleasant to her.
To this end they invited Mme. Jelihowsky with her daughter to stay with them, and H.P.B. was glad to have her relatives with her once more. In one letter she writes:
« My old leg goes a little better, pain gone, but it is entirely helpless, and heaven alone knows when I will be able to walk with it even as superficially as I did before.
Dear kind Mrs. Gebhard! she does nurse me, and is kind enough to find that I am a great deal better tempered than I used to be before! Et pour cause. There are no traitors in the field as there were then
Manuscript of The Secret Doctrine come back from our Revd. friend; he finds it far superior to the introductory — but not even half-a-dozen words corrected. He says it is perfects. »
As nearly all these letters from H.P.B. are concerned with the welfare of the Theosophical Society through the various personalities composing it, I find it almost impossible to quote from her letters without bringing in portions concerning the prominent members of that time, and as I have tried in these notes to avoid touching on personalities as much as I can, I only quote a few occasional sentences.
Living in Ostend
On her arrival in Ostend with her sister and niece, she writes:
« Here I am — sad disenchantment all in all. Had I known what I know now, I would have remained quiet in Wurzburg and gone to Kissingen and left the latter only in September, but such is, and was, my fate, and it was decreed that I should spend all my poor savings and pass the winter in Ostend.
Now it's dahe and there is no help for it. The Hotels (ye gods of Avitchi). For one night at the Continental I had to pay 117 francs for our rooms.
Then in despair my sister rose in the morning and felt herself drawn to a certain part of the Boulevard on the sea shore, and in a side street she found an apartment with a whole rez de chaussie to let, three splendid rooms on the left atid two on the right of the passage, or five rooms and a kitchen downstairs, the whole for 1000 francs for the season, and 100 francs a month afterwards, so what could I do?
Result your legless friend [HPB] estabhshed in a suit of rooms on the left, and my sister has two rooms, a bedroom , an elegant one, and a parlour or dining room on the right side of the passage.
When she goes away, which will, be in ten days that, suite remains empty. But then, perhaps Mr. Sinnett will come. It is nice to have two such rooms for one's friends. As for myself I have lovely rooms, bedroom running by a separated arch and satin hangings into a large study, and a small drawing-room with a piano in it near by, I have the whole floor to myself.
Yes, I will try and settle once more at my Secret Doctrine, but it is hard. I am very weak, dear, I feel so poorly and legless as I never did when you were there to care for me.
I am as nervous as a she-cat, I feel I am ungrateful. But then, it is because gratitude has ever been shown in ancient symbology to reside in people's heels, and having lost my legs how can I be expected to have any? I have affection — but only for . . . »
Later on:
« I am trying to write The Secret Doctrine, But Sinnett, who is here for a few days, wants all my attention directed to the blessed Memoirs. Mrs. Sinnett was unable to come, and he will soon leave me, and thus I shall be left legless, friendless and alone with my karma. Pretty head-to-head. »
From another letter:
« My poor legs have parted company with my body. It is a limitless if not an eternal 'furlong,' as they say in India. Whatever the cause may be, I am now as legless as any elemental can be.
No, except Louise and my landlady with her cat and robin I do not know a soul in Ostend. Not one solitary Russian here this season except myself, who would rather be a Turk and go back to India. But I can't, for I have neither legs nor reputation according to the infamous charges of the S.P.R.
I think the gout and rheumatism will soon reach the heart, I feel great pain in it. »
Poor H.P.B.! she suffered terribly at that time. She was so anxious to get on with her writing, and the continual obstacles which came in her way were very trying to her.
In all her letters she urged me to return to her, for she felt that with me near her she would be free from many petty annoyances, and also that the calm and quiet that were absolutely necessary to her in writing The Secret Doctrine would be ensured to her. I was glad when the day came that I could return to her side, and our meeting was a very joyful one: there was so much to tell on both sides.
It pained me to see that H.P.B. was suffering more than when she left Wurzburg, but she told me that she had found an intelligent doctor in Ostend, and that she had made an arrangement for him to come and see her every week.
We soon settled down to our routine life, and I was thankful to see that with every day H.P.B. was able to do more work and was getting into what she called her "currents" again.
The communications from her Master and from the different chelis were frequent, and we lived entirely in a world of our own. But Ostend was more easy of access than Wurzburg, and visitors began to break the monotony of our existence. Two of our members came from Paris and stayed a fortnight with us. These were Messrs. Gaboriau and Coulomb, and the evenings were passed in asking H.P.B. questions, which she answered with readiness, reading out to them, here and there, passages from The Secret Doctrine which she had written during the day.
Mr. Eckstein, from Vienna, paid us a short visits also Mr. Arthur Gebhard, who was on his way to Germany from America, where he had spent several years, and H.P.B. was eager to hear all the Theosophical news from that country.
One day H.P.B. called me and asked me whether I could go to London to undertake some private business of her own.
I told her that I would willingly do so, but felt anxious about leaving her alone. So I started for London with a heavy heart, as I thought of the old lady's loneliness and her look of sad yearning as she gave me a farewell kiss.
I received frequent letters from H.P.B. while in London, and the following are a few extracts taken from them:
« I am wretched because with every day more the conviction is growing stronger in me that there is not a comer on this earth where I could be left to live and die quietly.
Because I have no home, no one I could rely on implicitly, because there is no one able to understand me thoroughly and the position I am placed in. Because, ever since you went away, I am pestered by the police — cautiously, true, with great prudence so far, but quite clearly enough for me to see I am regarded with suspicion even in that affair of a million stolen on the railway between Ostend and Brussels!!!
Three times they have been asking after you to give them information, and twice a man from the police came to me asking my name before and after marriage, my age, where I came from, where I last lived, when I came to Wurzburg, to Elberfield, etc.
Two days ago they came after Louise and demanded that she should go with them to the police station and they asked her many questions. Finally, do what I may, all turns out an evil for me, and all is misconstrued and misinterpreted by my best friends, that I am traduced, slandered, not by strangers, but by those who were, or seemed to be, most attached to me, and whom I loved really. . .
Because lies, hypocrisy and Jesuitism reign supreme in the world and that I am not and cannot be either, therefore I seem doomed. Because I am tired of life and the struggles of that stone of Sisyphus and the eternal work of the Danaides — and that I am not permitted to get out of this misery and rest. Because whether I am right or wrong I am made out wtong. Because I am one too many on this earth, that's all. »
Again:
« Remember much as I need you (and I need you badly), as I know through Master that you are doing excellent work in London, please stay a week or more even if you think it right, I feel very miserable, but I can stand it, never mind. Z. is very young and never gets up till 12 or 1 o'clock, but he is doing me good service, finding me a few quotations and correcting the English in some of the appendices. »
Just before leaving Wurzburg, H.P.B. had sent her manuscripts for The Secret Doctrine to Adyar to Col. H.S. Olcott, the President of the Society. She was anxious to have his opinion as he had helped her so much with Isis, She also wished the manuscript to be submitted to Mr. Subba Row, and the few pages which he had read interested him so much that he was anxious to see more.
H.P.B. wrote to me on this subject:
« I sent a telegram yesterday asking whether I could send you to London my MSS., as I have to forward it without delay to Madras. It is all splendidly packed up by Louise's husband, corded and sewn in oil cloth, all secure for the journey, so you will have no trouble with it, but to have it insured. Please do this yourself. You are the only one in whom I have absolute faith.
Olcott writes that Subba Row is so anxious about the MSS. that he is enquiring daily when it comes, etc., and Master ordered him, it appears, to look it over. Please send it oij by this mail and do insure it for no less than; 150 or 200 sterling, for if lost —well good-bye!— so I send it to you today to your address and do answer immediately you receive it. »
An extract from another letter:
« After a long conversation with Master — the first for a long, long time — I have acquired two convictions.
1st, the Theosophical Society was ruined for having been transplanted on the European soil. Had only Master's philosophy been given and phenomena been kept in the background it would have been a success.
These accursed phenomena have ruined my character which is a small thing and welcome, but they have also ruined Theosophy in Europe. In India it will live and prosper.
2nd conviction I the whole Society (Europe and America) is under cruel probation. Those who come out of it unscathed will have their reward. Those who will remain inactive or passive, even as those who will turn their backs, will have theirs also.
It is a final and supreme trial. But there is news. Either I have to return to India to die this autumn, or I have to form between this and November next a nucleus of true Theosophists, a school of my own, with no secretary, only myself alone, with as many mystics as I can get to teach them. I can stop here, or go to England, or whatever I like.
. . .
You say literature is the only salvation. Well, see the good effect Mme. Blavatsky's Memoirs have produced. Seven or eight French papers pitching into Sinnett, myself, K. H., etc., on account of these Memoirs.
A true revival of Theosophical Society scandals over again, just because of this hterature. If phenomena were thrown overboard and philosophy alone stuck to, then, says Master, the Theosophical Society could be saved in Europe.
But phenomena are the curse and ruin of the Society. Because I wrote twice or thrice to Z. telling him what he did and thought and read on such and such a day, he is crazy and a full-blown mystic.
Well, may the Master inspire and protect you, for you have to play a part in the coming struggle.
I hear the people who subscribed to The Secret Doctrine are getting impatient — cannot be helped. I, you know, work fourteen hours a day. The last MSS. sent to Adyar will not be back for three months, but then we can begin publishing.
Subba Row is making valuable notes, so Olcott tells me. I am not going to move from the neighbourhood of, or from, England itself. Here is my place in Europe and that's settled. Within easy reach of London is the programme given and I shall stick to it.
I wish to goodness you would come back quicker. Your room upstairs with stove is ready, so you will be more comfortable. But you do useful work in London. I feel as lonely as I can be. »
Again:
« Only a few words, since, thank goodness, I will see you again soon.
Say to those who have asked you, My Master is a white Magician and a Mahatma too. There can be no Mahdtmd who is not a white Magician, whether he exercises his power or not, though not every Magician can reach Mahatmaship, which state is positively like the metaphor used by Mohini, for the state of Mahdtmdship dissolves man's physical nature, intellect, feeling of the Ego, and all except the body, like a piece of sugar in water.
But supposing even my Master was not yet a full Mahatma, which no one can say but Himself and the other Mahatmas near Him, what difference does that make to anyone?
If he is no better than the three Magi (white Magicians, who came from the East to see the birth of Christ) I am quite satisfied. To end, let those who trouble you learn the etymology of the word Magician. It comes from Mah, Maha, Mag, identical with the root of the word Mahatma. One means great soul, Mah-atma, the other great worker, Mahansa or Maghusha.
Mohini is right to instruct people and give them the true definition between the states of the man who belongs to this state. Those who fall into it occasionally are Mahdtmds just as much as any. Those in whom that state becomes permanent are that "piece of sugar;" they can no longer concern themselves with the things of this world. They are Jivanmuktas.
Ever since you went away, I have felt as though either paralysis or a split in the heart would occur. I am as cold as ice and four doses of digitalis in one day could not quiet the heart. Well, let me only finish my Secret Doctrine. Last night, instead of going to bed I was made to write till i o'clock.
The triple Mystery is given out — one I had thought they would never have given out — that of . . . »
I felt very anxious after receiving this letter. I hurried through the remaining work as quickly as possible, and was much distressed on arriving at Ostend to fipd H.P.B. looking so worn and ill.
Mr. Z. soon left, and then we recommenced our usual routine of life, and the writing of The Secret Doctrine was carried on strenuously.
Very rarely was I able to persuade H.P.B.to go in a bath chair on the esplanade. I thought that the warmth from the sun and the sea air might do her good, but she always seemed dissatisfied when she came in, as if she felt she had done wrong in losing so much valuable time.
She used often to say:
- "Soon we shall no longer be alone, and then the conditions will be altered, and the currents will be broken, and I shall not be able to work nearly so well."
And so she would keep at her desk, no matter what her pains or sufferings were. She just clenched her teeth together and fought her battle bravely.
CHAPTER 10
One day we were agreeably surprised by a visit from Mrs. Kingsford and Mr. Maitland. They were in Ostend for a few days on their way to Paris, and were staying at an hotel opposite our house.
As Mrs. Kingsford complained much of the discomforts of this hotel, and as she seemed to be in very delicate health, both H.P.B. and I proposed that she and Mr. Maitland should become our guests. I gave up my room to Mrs. Kingsford, and they spent a fortnight with us.
Both ladies were usually occupied with their respective work during the day-time, but in the evenings delightful conversations ensued, and it was interesting to me to hear different points of The Secret Doctrine discussed from the Eastern and Western standpoints of occultism.
The powerful intellects of these two gifted women would be engaged in animated discussions, starting from apparently two opposite poles. Gradually the threads of their conversation would seem to approach each other, until at last they would merge in one unity. Fresh topics would then arise which would be grappled with in the same masterly way.
But these delightful evenings soon drew to a close, for Mrs. Kingsford became very ill and was not able to leave her room, and Mr. Maitland thought it expedient to take her to a warmer climate, so one fine morning they started lor Paris and H.P.B. and I were once more alone.
Letters now came to us frequently from London, and we heard with pleasure that some slight activity was beginning to be shewn there. A London group for study had been formed, and most of the members seemed very earnest and were continually writing for information and guidance; indeed, things seemed going on more favourably in that direction, and H.P.B. was pleased to think that there was some activity in that quarter.
Blavatsky is getting sicker and sicker
To my great distress, I now began to notice that she became drowsy and heavy in the middle of the day, and often was unable to work for an hour together. This increased rapidly, and as the doctor who attended her pronounced it to be an affection of the kidneys.
I became alarmed, and sent a telegram to Madame Gebhard to tell her of my apprehensions, and to beg her to come and help me. I felt that the responsibility was too great for me to cope with alone.
I had also tried getting a nurse to help me with the night work, but it was only possible to find a sister of charity, and I soon discovered that she was worse than useless, for whenever my back was turned she was holding up her crucifix before H.P.B., and entreating her to come into the fold of the only church before it was too late.
This nearly drove H.P.B. wild. I therefore sent this nurse away, and no other being available, I hired a cook, and this set Louise free to devote more attention to H.P.B.; but, as Louise's little girl had been sent to her only a few weeks previously from Switzerland, I found that even her help was not very valuable, as her child occupied all her thoughts.
I was, therefore, thankful when I received a cordial response to my telegram and knew that in a few hours I should see Madame Gebhard.
When she came I felt as if a great burden had been lifted off my shoulders. In the meanwhile H.P.B. was getting worse, and the Belgian doctor, who was kindness itself, tried one remedy after another, but with no good result, and I began to get seriously alarmed and anxious as to what course I should adopt.
H.P.B. was in a heavy lethargic state, she seemed to be unconscious for hours together, and nothing could rouse or interest her. Finally a bright inspiration came to me. In the London group I knew there was a Doctor Ashton Ellis, so I telegraphed to him, described the state that H.P.B. was in, and entreated him to come without delay.
I sat by H.P.B.'s bed that night listening to every sound as I anxiously watched the hours go by, till at last, at 3 a.m., the joyful sound of a bell was heard. I flew to the door, opened it, and the doctor walked in.
I eagerly told him all her symptoms, and described the remedies that had been applied, whereupon he went to her and made her drink some medicine that he had brought with him. Then, after giving me a few directions, he retired to his room to get a few hours' rest. I told Madame Gebhard of the doctor's arrival, and finally returned to my post.
The next day there was a consultation between the two doctors. The Belgian doctor said that he had never known a case of a person with the. kidneys attacked as H.P.B.'s were, living as long as she had done, and that he was convinced that nothing could save her.
He held out no hope of her recovery. Mr. Ellis replied that it was exceedingly rare for anyone to survive so long in such a state. He further told us that he had consulted a specialist before coming to Ostend who was of the same opinion, but advised that, in addition to the prescribed medicine, he should try massage, so as to stimulate the paralysed organs.
Madame Gebhard suggested that, as H.P.B. was so near death, she ought to make her will, for if she died intestate in a foreign country there would be no end of confusion and annoyance about her property, as she had no relations near her.
She added that she had already consulted with H.P.B., who had told her that she was wiling to sign a will, that she wished all her property to be left to me, and that she would give me private directions how I was to dispose of it.
Later on H.P.B. told me exactly what I was to do with her property, which, however, amounted to but little — consisting only of her clothes, a few books, some jewelry, and a few pounds in cash; but still it was thought advisable that the will should be made, and the lawyer, the two doctors, and the American consul, were to be present.
The night passed quietly, and several times the following day Mr. Ellis massed her until he was quite exhausted; but she got no better, and to my horror I began to detect that peculiar faint odour of death which sometimes precedes dissolution. I hardly dared hope that she would live through the night, and while I was sitting alone by her bedside she opened her eyes and told me how glad she was to die, and that she thought the Master would let her be free at last.
Still she was very anxious about her Secret Doctrine. I must be most careful of her manuscripts and hand all over to Col. Olcott with directions to have them printed. She had hoped that she would have been able to give more to the world, but the Master knew best. And so she talked on at intervals, telling me many things. At last she dropped off into a state of unconsciousness, and I wondered how it would all end.
It seemed to me impossible that she should die and leave her work unfinished; and then, again, the Theosophical Society. . . . what would become of it?
How could it be that the Master who was at the head of that Society should allow it to crumble away. True, it might be the outcome of the Karma of the members, who through their false-heartedness and faint-heartedness had brought the Theosophical Society to such a point that there was no more vitality in it, and so it had to die out, only to be revived in the course of the next century.
Still the thought came to me that the Master had told H.P.B. that she was to form a circle of students around her and that she was to teach them. How could she do that if she were to die?
And then I opened my eyes and glanced at her and thought, was it possible that she who had slaved, suffered and striven so hard should be allowed to die in the middle of her work?
What would be the use of all her self-sacrifice and the agony she had gone through if the work of her life was not to be completed?
Day after day she had suffered tortures, both of mind and body: of mind through the falsity and treachery of those who had called themselves friends and then had slandered her behind her back, casting stones at her while they in their ignorance thought she would never know the hand that had thrown them; and of ihe body, because she was compelled to remain in a form which should have disintegrated two years previously in Adyar, if it had not been held together by occult means when she decided to live on and work for those who were still to come into the Theosophical Society.
None of those who knew her, really understood her. Even to me, who had been alone with her for so many months, she was an enigma, with her strange powers, her marvellous knowledge, her extraordinary insight into human nature, and her mysterious life, spent in regions unknown to ordinary mortals, so that though her body might be near, her soul was often away in commune with others.
Many a time have I observed her thus and known that only the shell of her body was present.
Such were the thoughts which passed through my mind, as I sat hour after hour that anxious night, watching her as she seemed to be getting weaker and weaker.
A wave of blank despondency came over me, as I felt how truly I loved this noble woman, and I realised how empty life would be without her. No longer to have her affection and her confidence would be a most severe trial. My whole soul rose in rebellion at the thought of losing her. . .
I gave a bitter cry and knew no more.
When I opened my eyes, the early morning light was stealing in, and a dire apprehension came over me that I had slept, and that perhaps H.P.B. had died during my sleep — died whilst I was untrue to my vigil.
I turned round towards the bed in horror, and there I saw H.P.B. looking at me. calmly with her clear grey eyes, as she said:
- "Countess, come here."
I flew to her side.
- "What has happened, H.P.B. — you look so different to what you did last night."
She replied:
- "Yes, Master has been here; He gave me my choice, that I might die and be free if I would, or I might live and finish The Secret Doctrine. He told me how great would be my sufferings and what a terrible time I would have before me in England (for I am to go there); but when I thought of those students to whom I shall be permitted to teach a few things, and of the Theosophical Society in general, to which I have already given my heart's blood, I accepted the sacrifice, and now to make it complete, fetch me some coffee and something to eat, and give me my tobacco box."
I flew off to do her errands and ran to tell Madame Gebhard the good news. I found her just dressed, ready to relieve me from my night's watchings, and after several joyous exclamations she insisted on my going to bed while she attended on H.P.B herself.
I felt so excited that I thought that I should never sleep again, but my head was no sooner on the pillow than I was in a deep slumber, and I did not wake till late in the day.
When I came down all was joy. H.P.B. was up and dressed, talking merrily to us all. Mr. Ellis had again massé'd her and given her medicine, and all were awaiting the arrival of the party who were to come and superintend the making of the will.
H.P.B. was in the dining room ready to receive them, and they looked aghast with astonishment, as they came in with long and serious faces expecting to be shown into the presence of a dying woman.
The doctor was beside himself.
He said:
- "But this is unheard of; Madam, she should have died.''
He could not make it out.
H.P.B. seated on her chair, smoking her cigarette, quietly offered him one and then began chaffing him.
The lawyer was puzzled and turned to the Belgian doctor for an explanation.
The other began excusing himself, repeating several times, "But she should have died!''
When the American Consul, like a man of the world, came forward, shook hands with H.P.B. and told her that he was delighted that she had cheated death this time, and an animated and amusing conversation ensued.
Then the lawyer called us all to order and the serious task of making the will began. H.P.B. was asked to give details about her husband, but she broke forth: — She knew nothing about old Blavatsky, he was probably dead long ago, and they had better go to Russia if they wanted to know anything about him; she had asked them to come there to make her will.
She was supposed to be dying and now she was not going to die, but as they were present it was a pity that they should have come for nothing, so they might make the will all the same and she would leave everything to me.
The lawyer now expostulated. Had she no relations; would it not be right to leave her property to them? And then he looked askance at me, as if he thought that I might have been unduly influencing H.P.B. to leave her money to me to the detriment of her relatives.
H.P.B. flew out at him, and asked him what business it was of his; she should leave her money, she declared, to whom she chose.
Madame Gebhard, fearful of a scene, interposed and said gently to the lawyer:
- "Perhaps, when you know the amount which Madame Blavatsky has to will away, you will have no further objections to making the will las she desires; for had Madame Blavatsky died there would not have been sufl&cient money to pay for her funeral expenses."
The lawyer could not restrain an expression of surprise, but set to work without further comment. In a few minutes the will was made and signed by those present, then coffee was served and a general talk followed.
After three hours had passed the American Consul got up and said:
- "Well, I think this is enough fatigue for a dying woman."
And so with a few flying compliments the little party left the room, while we who remained enjoyed a hearty laugh at one of the most original and amusing scenes we had ever witnessed.
We then thought that H.P.B. ought to go to bed, but she rebelled most vigorously and sat there till a late hour playing her "patiences."
I will add a few words here to say that I never saw that will again. After H.P.B.'s death in Avenue Road, London, on the eighth of May, 1891, I went to Ostend to see the lawyer and ask him what had been done with the will. He told me that after my departure he had given the will to H.P.B., and I suppose that she must have destroyed the deed, as it was never found among her papers.
The excitement attendant on H.P.B.'s recovery gradually subsided. Mr. Ellis returned to London, carrying with him our tnost grateful thanks for his kindness in responding so readily to my telegram, and for the care and devotion which he showed to H.P.B. during his stay with us.
Blavatsky goes to live in London
Our next visitors were Dr. Keightley and Mr. Bertram Keightley. They came bearing with them the most pressing and warm invitations from the London group to H.P.B. to come and live in England.
This she finally consented to do, and it was agreed that she should spend the summer with the Keightleys at Norwood in a small house called Maycot.
They returned to London to make preparations for her reception and I began to turn my thoughts to my home in Sweden. I felt thoroughly tired out with all the anxiety I had lately gone through, and I longed for complete rest, both bodily and mental.
Madame Gebhard, seeing how worn and ill I looked, urged me to go at once, saying that she would stay with H.P.B. until the Keightleys came to fetch her, and as that morning a letter had been received from Mr. Thornton, telling us that he was coming to Ostend to pay H.P.B. a visit, I was glad to feel that Madame Gebhard would not be quite alone, but would have a friend to help her in case of need.
Therefore, a few days later, after the tenderest and kindest of farewells, I found myself speeding away in the train for Sweden.
Beyond occasional letters from Madame Gebhard, telling me that all was going on satisfactorily and that they were busy packing and preparing for H.P.B.'s journey to London, there is nothing of importance to relate.
During the summer I received occasional letters from H.P.B., and I here make extracts from two of them dated from Maycot, Norwood.
« I can only say that I do not feel happy or even at my ease as I did at Ostend. I am in the enemy's camp, and this says all. . . This house is a hole where we are like herrings in a barrel — so small, so uncomfortable, and when there are three people in my two rooms (half the size of my Ostend bedroom), we tread uninterruptedly on each other's corns; when there are four, we sit on each other's heads. Then there is no quiet here, for the slightest noise is heard all over the house. It is personal trouble all this, but there is another one far more important.
There is so much work here to do (Theosophical) that I have either to give up my Secret Doctrine or leave the Theosophical work undone. It is for this your presence is required more than anything. If we miss the good opportunities, we will never have better ones. You know, I suppose, that a Blavatsky Lodge was organised and legalized by Sinnett and all.
It is composed of fourteen persons so far. You know also that a Theosophical Publishing Company has been formed by the same persons, and that not only have we started a new Theosophical Journal, but they insist on publishing themselves The Secret Doctrine. 200 down has been subscribed for Lucifer, our new journal, and 500 for The Secret Doctrine, It is a Limited Publishing Co., and already signed and legally registered.
So much is done therefore. I have regular Thursday meetings, when ten or eleven people have to crowd into my two rooms, and sit on my writing table and sofa bed. I sleep on my Wurzburg sofa, for there is no room for a bed. You, if you come, would have a room upstairs. »
Further she wrote to me that the latest project was to take a house in London, the expenses to be shared by the two Keightleys, herself and myself, and hoped that I would agree to the plan, as she thought that it would be a great advantage to have a Theosophical Headquarters in London. It would facilitate our work considerably, and would induce others to come and see us more readily.
Having written to tell her of my willingness to join in the proposed scheme and that she would see me in London, I received the following lines from her from Maycot:
« To say how relieved and glad I am of your arrival is useless. Do come, and direct here for a few hours if you do not want to sleep here. The house in Lansdowne Road is being furnished. I am migrating, books and all. I have chosen two rooms for you, which I think you will like, but do come and do not put off for mercy's sake.
Yours ever, H.P.B. »
This is the last letter I shall quote from, and with this nearly ends my story, for in London it was the two Keightleys who worked at The Secret Doctrine with H.P.B. With praiseworthy diligence they wrote out the whole manuscript on a typewriting machine, and I leave it to them to continue the narrative of how H.P.B. wrote The Secret Doctrine.
What happened in London
I will only add a few more lines.
I arrived in London in September, 1887, and went straight to Norwood; there I fpund H.P.B. in a tiny cottage with the Keightleys, and after receiving a warm welcome, she was eager to tell me how we were to begin work for the Theosophical Society in a more practical way than had hitherto been done. Many were the long talks we had as to how we could make Theosophy better known in London, and all sorts of projects were formed.
After three days spent in packing, planning, and arranging everything, we one morning got into a carriage and drove up to London, to 17, Lansdowne Road. There the two Keightleys were hard at work making the house comfortable for H.P.B.
I could but admire, as I have since always done, the tender devotion and eager thought for her comfort, even down to trivial details, which these two young men have always shown.
In every way they ever contributed to her well-being, trying by all available means to make the conditions easier for her to continue with her writing of The Secret Doctrine.
H.P.B.'s rooms were on the ground floor, a small bedroom leading into a large writing-room, where furniture was so arranged around her, that she could reach her books and papers without difficulty; and this room again led into the dining-room, so that she had ample space for exercise when she felt inclined to walk about.
It was here that Colonel Olcott found her a few months later, and described his impressions for his Indian readers.
The passage runs:
« The President found Madame Blavatsky in bad health, but working with desperate and pertinacious energy. An able physician told him that the fact of her even being alive at all was in itself a miracle, judging by all professional canons.
Her system is so disorganised by a complication of diseases of the gravest character that it is a simple wonder that she can keep up the struggle; any other being must have succumbed long ago.
The miscroscope reveals enormous crystals of uric acid in her blood, and the doctors say that it is more than likely that one hot month in India would kill her. Nevertheless, not only does she live, but she works at her writing desk from morning to night, preparing copy' and reading proofs for The Secret Doctrine and her London magazine Lucifer. »
Of her greatest work over three hundred pages of each of the two volumes were already printed when Col. Olcott arrived, and both volumes will probably appear this month.
From all he heard from competent judges who had read the MS., the President was satisfied that The Secret Doctrine will surpass in merit and interest even Isis Unveiled.
Colonel Olcott wrote:
« Madame Blavatsky is living at 17, Lansdowne Road, Holland Park, with three Theosophical friends, among them her devoted guardian, nurse and consoler, the Countess Wachtmeister of Sweden, who has attended her throughout all her serious illnesses of the past three years.
The house is a pleasant one, in a quiet neighbourhood, and the back of it looks upon a small private park or compound common to the occupants of all the houses which surround it.
Madame Blavatsky's rooms are on the ground floor, she being practically unable to go up or down stairs. Her desk faces a large window looking out upon the green grass and leafy trees of Holland Park; at her right and left hands are tables and book racks filled with books of reference; and all about the room are her Indian souvenirs — Benares bronzes, Palghat mats, Adoni carpets, Moradabad platters, Kashmir plaques, and Sinhalese images, which were so familiar to visitors at Adyar in the old days.
As regards her return to India the question is largely a medical one. It is extremely doubtful whether she could stand the journey, and it is quite certain that she would have to be hoisted in and out of the steamer in a sling, as she was when she sailed from Madras for Europe, three years ago.
Of course, with her book passing through the press, she could not quit London for a fortnight, even if she could arrange for the editorial conduct of Lucifer, Later on this obstacle will be out of the way, and it will remain a mere question of her health.
Clustering around her in London she has several devoted Theosophists who, besides advancing if 1'500 to bring out The Secret Doctrine and Lucifer have formed a Theosophical Publishing Co., Ld., to issue at popular prices reprints of articles from The Theosophist, Lucifer and The Path and useful tracts of all sorts.
The interest in Theosophy increases and deepens in Europe and still more in America; for not only do we see its ideas colouring current literature, but provoking discussion by the first Orientalists of the day.
The recent lectures of Professor Max Muller, Monier Williams, and others in which we are referred to and criticised, and the admirable article on 'Buddhism in the West,' by that learned scholar M. Em. Bumouf, which we have translated and printed in this issue of our magazine, illustrate the case very well.
Practically there are now three Theosophical centres, whence influence of this kind is being exerted upon the mind of our age — Madras, London and New York. And however much Madame Blavatsky's absence from Adyar may be deplored by her ardent friends, it cannot be doubted that the movement as a whole profits by her presence in London, and her Theosophical proximity to our devoted colleagues in America. »
(Supplement to The Theosophist, Oct. 1888, p. xviii.)
In the following year another account appeared in The Theosophist for July, which may also be of interest to my readers:
« Madame Blavatsky continues to labour as ceaselessly as ever, and under conditions of such physical disability as render not simply her working, but actually her living truly marvellous.
I may say as a physician and not simply upon my own authority, but as a fact known to some of the leading medical practitioners of London, that never before has a patient been known to live even for a week under such conditions of renal disorder as have been chronic with her for very many months past.
Lately they have been somewhat modified by the action of strychnia, of which she has taken a little over six grains daily.
Very frequently she has attacks of cerebral apoplexy, but without any treatment known to medical science wards them off and goes on, firmly confident as ever that her present life will not end before its work is fully accomplished.
And in that work she is indefatigable. Her hours of labour are daily from 6.30 a.m. to 7 p.m., with only a few minutes of interruption for a light meal just before the sun reaches the meridian. During that time she devotes a great deal of her time to preparing the instructions for the Esoteric Section, giving out such knowledge as is permitted her to impart and its members are capable of receiving.
Then the editorial labour connected with the production of her magazine Lucifer devolves entirely upon her. And she also edits the new French Theosophical monthly magazine La Revue Theosophique, published by the Countess d'Adhemar, who, by the way, is an American by birth. Her magazine is now publishing a series of brilliant articles by Amaravella, and a translation in French of Madame Blavatsky's Secret Doctrine.
The third volume of The Secret Doctrine is in MS. ready to be given to the printers. It will consist mainly of a series of sketches of the great Occultists of all ages, and is a most wonderful and fascinating work.
The fourth volume, which is to be largely hints on the subject of practical Occultism, has been outlined but not yet written. It will demonstrate what Occultism really is, and show how the popular conception of it has been outraged and degraded by fraudulent pretenders to its mysteries, who have, for greed of gain or other base purposes, falsely claimed possession of the secret knowledge.
This exposure will necessitate its being brought up sharply to date as a historical record, so that the actual. work of writing it will not be commenced until we are about ready to bring it forth.
In the evening, from 7 until 11 o'clock, and sometimes 2 o'clock a.m., Madame Blavatsky receives visitors, of whom she has many. Of course many are friends, others are serious investigators, and not a few are impelled by curiosity to see a woman who is one of the prominent personages of the world today. All are welcome, and she is equally ready in meeting all upon any ground they select.
Mr. G. J. Romanes, a Fellow of the Royal Society, comes in to discuss the evolutionary theory set forth in her Secret Doctrine; Mr. W. T. Stead, editor of the Pall Mall Gazette, who is a great admirer of The Secret Doctrine, finds much in it that seems to invite further elucidation; Lord Crawford, Earl of Crawford and Balcarres, another F.R.S. — who is deeply interested in Occultism and Cosmogony, and who was a pupil of Lord Lytton and studied with him in Egypt — comes to speak of his special subjects of concern; Mrs. Besant, whose association with the National Reform Society has made her famous, drops in to express her interest in Theosophy as a power affecting the social life of humanity; Mr. Sidney Whitman, widely known by his scathing criticism upon English cant, has ideas to express and thoughts to interchange upon the ethics of Theosophy, and so they come.
A. K. »
To return, we were hardly settled in the house before people began to call on H.P.B., and the visitors grew so numerous, and she was so constantly interrupted in her work, that it was considered advisable for her to have a day for reception.
Saturday was chosen, and from 2 p.m. till .11 or 12 at night there would be a succession of visitors, and H.P.B. would frequently have a group around her asking questions, to which she would answer with unvarying patience.
All this time The Secret Doctrine was being continued, until, at last, it was put into the printer's hands. Then began the task of proof-reading, revising, and correcting, which proved to be a very onerous one indeed.
I watched it all with joy in my heart, and when a printed copy was put into my hands, I was thankful to feel that all these hours of pain, toil and suffering had not been in vain, and that H.P.B. had been able to accomplish her task and give to the world this grand book, which, she told me, would have to wait quietly until the next century to be fully appreciated, and would only be studied by the few now.
H.P.B. was happy that day. It was the one gleam of sunshine amidst the darkness and dreariness of her life, for shadows were gathering round, and soon some of her bitterest trials were to be experienced.
But The Secret Doctrine finished, my task is done. Let me only add my small tribute of gratitude and love to the friend and teacher who did more for me than anybody in the world, who helped to show me the truth, and who pointed out to me the way to try and conquer self, with all its petty weaknesses, and to live more nobly for the use and good of others.
In the Voice of the Silence Blavatsky wrote:
« Thy soul has to become as the ripe mango fruit; as soft and sweet as its bright golden pulp for other's woes, as hard as that fruit's stone for thine own throes and sorrows.
. . .
Compassion speaks and saith: can there be bliss when all that lives must suffer?
Shalt thou be saved and hear the whole world cry? »
These are the precepts that H.P.B. bade her pupils learn and follow, these are the ethics that her life of continual self-abnegation for the good of others has set like aburning flame in the hearts of those that believed in her.
