(This
article was written by Alsibar, who has studied spiritual guides
extensively, and the original text in Portuguese can be read at this link.)
In
this dialogue, I talk with a friend about the mechanism of the ego—its
appearance and disappearance—and also about the meaning of Consciousness
or Observation, very recurrent themes in the universe of Krishnamurti.
It's
a lengthy and profound dialogue, more appropriate for advanced seekers
due to the complexity of the subject, but it's obviously open to all
those who sincerely seek liberation. Enjoy the read!
--oOo--
Interlocutor: Good
morning. Have you ever heard the phrase "becoming aware of being
aware"? I've never quite understood it. Isn't it simply about being
aware?
Alsibar: Well...
in the sense of those Advaita gurus, I don't know. For me, being
conscious is simply being aware of the things that are inside and
outside of oneself. Perceiving them in their true nature.
Interlocutor: Do you mean paying attention?
Alsibar: Yes...
but it arises naturally. You can't practice it. Suddenly you become
aware of things... but the mistake lies in turning it into a kind of
spiritual practice. A means to an end. This "awareness" arises when
there is self-understanding, which leads to relaxation, tranquility, and
peace. When the mind is at peace, awareness arises naturally. It is a
consequence of inner silence.
Interviewer: But
at the beginning, does it require a certain degree of interest and even
effort to achieve it? Being conscious requires effort because the mind
is always focused on objects.
Alsibar: I don't think it's "necessary." I think it doesn't happen at first because we don't know how to do it properly.
Interlocutor: How do you control a mind that is scattered among objects?
Alsibar: I
think that's a misconception. What's wrong with the mind wandering?
It's part of the mind's nature to move, to be distracted. The problem
arises when we turn it into a "problem," because then conflict, desire,
time, ego, and suffering appear.
Interlocutor: If
the mind is focused on objects and not on "Being," it will remain
focused on objects and will not experience the fullness of "Being." How
can this situation be resolved?
Alsibar: It's difficult for you to understand because you're full of traditions, beliefs, and expectations...
Interlocutor: Friend...
I always discard old things and old masters to make room for what
works... if something works, I'm in... I might even light candles... if
that works, "I'm in"... all in the name of wholeness. I can leave
everything behind if you present me with something that works.
Alsibar: What
if I told you that the mere desire for something to work in that field
prevents it from working? But you want results. And it's precisely
because you're looking for results that they don't materialize.
Interlocutor: That's strange...
Alsibar: Obviously. But you're mature enough to understand why.
Interlocutor: Because it is the "ego" that desires it.
Alsibar: That's right!
Interlocutor: So, if there are no desires...
Alsibar: "Desires" in that "spiritual" realm. In contrast, desires that drive and protect life are necessary.
Interlocutor: Are you asking me to stop? STOP?
Alsibar: Yes, that's right. Complete stop!
Interlocutor: Stop searching!
Alsibar: The search through time. The search as a result. The search as an experience.
Interlocutor: What do you mean?
Alsibar: The true search begins when one understands that the search itself prevents the encounter.
Interlocutor: I understand.
Alsibar: Who is searching? Who is the seeker?
Interlocutor: It seems to be the ego.
Alsibar: That's
right, the "seeker" is the ego in its yearning for experiences,
sensations, expansion of consciousness, and things like that. The ego is
never satisfied; it always wants "more."
Interlocutor: Yes.
Alsibar: And of course there's "something more"... but it's NOT the result of a direct, conscious action of the ego. That's the point!
Interlocutor: Isn't that the result of the ego's activity? I understand.
Alsibar: All
paths and traditions preach direct and conscious action to attain
Truth. But it is precisely in the absence of that "seeking self" that
the "thing" can manifest itself.
Interlocutor: Incredible!
Alsibar: So
you might ask me: what if it doesn't manifest? It means the ego is
still there, yearning, waiting, bargaining, wanting to be fulfilled. But
when the ego truly loses control, you stop worrying about these things.
And suddenly, for the first time... "peace" arises... Not the peace of
duality, but the peace of the absence of self. Everything else is a
consequence and will come in due time.
Interlocutor: But the ego has to fight for a while. It'll just play dead...
Alsibar: Fight for what? The ego thrives on struggle. If you fight against it, it will love it.
Interlocutor: The ego will want to return to the search in order to maintain its own survival.
Alsibar: The
struggle feeds the ego. But the ego doesn't die. It never dies. It
simply comes to understand itself, understands its function and its
limitations, but it continues to exist.
Interlocutor: Perfect.
Alsibar: So
stop "meddling" where it doesn't belong. The ego needs to continue
existing for the protection and survival of the body. But it comes and
goes... it appears, solves problems, and then disappears. The ego cannot
find God, Truth, etc.
Interlocutor: And what about the need to read and research? What can I do about it? The search has become an addiction.
Alsibar: True. An addiction in which the ego is strengthened because it finds security, hope, etc. in it.
Interlocutor: Exactly. So I myself am the obstacle to fulfillment while I'm searching. And to achieve it, I simply have to get out of the way.
Alsibar: And
an addiction is always difficult to overcome. But you've taken the
first step. You're already seeing the TRUTH about the search. Addictions
are difficult because they become automatic, mechanical. Sometimes we
feel incapable of overcoming them. Just like drug addiction, tobacco,
gambling, and alcohol... there are many people addicted to this
so-called "spiritual quest."
I
think the first step is: don't demonize it, because otherwise you'll
strengthen it through conflict. But not demonizing it doesn't mean
accepting it as natural either. Take, for example, masturbation
addiction. The more a person tries to get rid of it, the more they
struggle, the stronger it becomes. And why does the situation worsen?
Because the person runs out of energy, has low self-esteem, and so on.
The
search for spiritual experiences and sensations is, in essence, the
same thing. While someone who masturbates seeks sensations in
masturbation, someone who seeks the spiritual seeks "spiritual"
sensations: nirvana, ecstasy, expansion of consciousness, etc. But, at
its core, it's the same search for pleasure, happiness, and so on.
In
other words: don't fight it because you'll create another problem. When
the mind understands this whole mechanism of escape and search, it
stops... it stops because it no longer makes sense.
Interlocutor: Does the person understand the mechanism itself...?
Alsibar: Exactly.
She stops because she understands that any action in that direction is
wrong, and naturally things will calm down, they will quiet down...
Until peace prevails. How long will it take? I have no idea, but it
certainly won't happen overnight.
Interlocutor: They say that observing the mind is better than reading books and any other practice.
Alsibar: I
disagree... If you make it a practice, it won't get you anywhere.
You'll just recreate the "observer," the seeker. Observe naturally,
without intentions... Without thinking: "I'm going to observe my mind to
become enlightened!" That's the real mistake, not the observation
itself.
Interlocutor: Yes... there will be times when ego will drive the search.
Alsibar: That's
right. But, as you'll understand, you're not going to cling. You're not
going to cling to anything. Don't practice anything. Don't insist on
anything. If there's observation, great. If there isn't, that's fine
too! Just observe and let go of the observation.
Interlocutor: Perfect.
Alsibar: Because
if the moment you see it you think, "I want more of this!", then you've
already lost what you wanted. Why? Once again, it's the ego that
desires "more"!
Interlocutor: The ego entered the scene.
Alsibar: That's
right. There will be moments of observation that come and go, appear
and disappear. And in this perception of movement arises the
CONSCIOUSNESS of Consciousness. That is to say: you perceived, you
observed, you saw that OBSERVATION (CONSCIOUSNESS) comes and goes, which
is a natural movement, free from the ego, but which the ego (thought)
wants to dominate.
So,
you "perceived," you realized how your Consciousness (mind) works. And
in this perception, you simply relax, without allowing the ego to "enter
the scene," as you said. The ego is the "I want," "I seek," "I
desire"... Thoughts that arise precisely at the moment of observation
and that revitalize the ego itself.
Let
me give you another example: I'm talking to you right now. I become
aware, I perceive, I observe... What do I observe? My slightly tired
eyes, the silence here at home, the sound of my breathing, external
noises, a little hunger, etc. That's all! There's nothing else in my
field of observation. And I'm only describing it this way, naming
things, because I'm explaining this process to you. Generally, I just
see and feel these things WITHOUT NAMING THEM. And without wanting to
escape what is my current reality.
That
is the perception of things: simply perceiving, feeling, and living
with a silent mind. Without anxiety. Without wanting to feel more than
what is present in the moment. This simple vision is what we call
Consciousness, this is what we call observation.
Now,
if during the observation I think: I'm going to control my mind to feel
peace... The ego arises. Or when I think: I want to maintain this state
that is so pleasant... The ego arises. Or: I want to continue in this
state and expand it even more... ALL OF THIS IS THE GENESIS OF THE EGO.
And when these thoughts arise, you immediately lose the connection with
that state.
Interlocutor: Very enlightening.
Alsibar: But,
obviously, that state doesn't last forever... You have to take care of
your things... work, family, studies, bills to pay, etc. So you go and
resolve all that without neurosis; that's the FUNCTION OF THE EGO. But
then, you're calm, your mind is serene, and when you least expect it...
that state reappears. You become aware of the sounds, the smells, the
sensations, all the dynamic movement of the present... And you simply
observe... You notice.
And
when it arises, you don't even think: there it is again... Then you
free yourself from the 'thinker', the 'self', the 'ego', the 'observer'.
And then what? Every day is a 'new experience'. You no longer cling to
patterns of good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant states. That's in
internal terms. Externally, things continue as they are.
For
example, right now I can smell my neighbor's cigarette smoke. It's
unpleasant for the body, but the mind doesn't suffer from it. Because,
in concrete terms, he already did what he had to do and didn't solve the
problem.
Interlocutor: I understand.
Alsibar: So
the mind perceives it as annoying, but it doesn't become a cause of
psychological suffering. It passes quickly, and I don't even notice it.
In this case, the ego didn't interfere. It didn't start ranting against
the neighbor, complaining, cursing itself, or torturing itself with
thoughts like, "Damn neighbor! I hate that cigarette!"
Obviously,
there's a feeling of discomfort in my nose. And I'm only noticing it
now because I'm talking to you. Generally speaking... I FEEL THE
DISCOMFORT FROM THE CIGARETTE, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE IT, AND THEN I FORGET IT.
This "forgetting"—which happens naturally—always occurs. So, what's the
right move? To become aware and "let go."
Because
usually, when one becomes aware of something like this, thoughts
arise—anger, resentment, stress, and so on. And who then emerges with
full force? The ego, once again. In the ordinary mind, the ego is always
emerging, energizing itself, and perpetuating itself. Every time one
perceives any phenomenon, whether internal or external, this process
repeats itself.
Interlocutor: Does letting go mean forgetting?
Alsibar: Yes.
Letting go is like perceiving something and not allowing thought to use
that perceived phenomenon or event to perpetuate itself. Perception is
rarely verbal. It's silent. It's only verbalized when a description is
necessary. Like now, as I speak to you.
Interlocutor: Is that "Let it Go"?
Alsibar: Yes
and no. “Let it go” would mean letting everything pass, flowing without
worries. But remember I told you that the ego remains active and alive?
So it’s not all about “Let it go!” There are things in life you must
do, and there are times when you must act and even intervene. I mean, in
practical terms, life.
Interlocutor: Yes
Alsibar: Internally
you are free... When you act, you are aware that the action is
necessary, that is, in concrete terms. Internally you don't act, you
only observe the movement and action of the ego, which will act WHEN
NECESSARY. That is to say... There will be moments of great action...
depending on the situation. And there will be moments of great
inactivity and passivity. You no longer control this, because who would?
Interlocutor: It would be good not to let my ego dominate me.
Alsibar: The
ego is no longer in control, but without it, one dies. We must learn to
deal with it because it is the part of Consciousness that protects the
body from pain and suffering. It is the ego that takes care of the body,
that seeks comfort and pleasure, and that tries to satisfy its needs.
It
is also the ego that tries to avoid problems that would be harmful to
the body. That's what it's for... to pay the bills, to have a place to
live, to fulfill legal and social responsibilities, to avoid arrest, to
avoid trouble with the law, to take care of our health, and so on.
Furthermore, without the ego we would have no fear whatsoever, and that
could be fatal for the body.
Interlocutor: Would it be dangerous?
Alsibar: That's
it! I don't know what you mean by "results"... by "it working."
Apparently, you want to reach some supposed state of self-realization
similar to Ramana's or be like those Advaita gurus on the internet. If
so, forget it! Don't think that when you truly awaken you'll become
Ramana or some famous guru. What will indicate a result... What will
demonstrate that something is "working" is the appearance of PEACE,
SILENCE, and TRANQUILITY.
If
your level of stillness "increases" in the sense that you feel calmer,
more serene, and relaxed... that's the sign. You may even no longer want
to know about these things because you will be at peace with yourself.
This peace is what indicates your progress. Everything else—ecstasy,
experiences, visions, sensations, powers, etc.—may simply be creations,
inventions of the mind.
It's
not that these things can't happen, but they aren't the barometer. It's
not events that indicate your spiritual progress. Inner peace does. The
more at peace you are, the greater your spiritual progress will be. So
focus on peace and forget everything else that might distract you,
including these matters of spirituality.
I'll
know you've made progress not when you tell me a bunch of nonsense and
supposedly "wise" words, but when you say something like, "Right now I'm
so at peace that I don't even want to know about Enlightenment,
Nirvana, Liberation, self-realization, etc. I just want to be here...
experiencing this, enjoying this feeling of peace and freedom." Now that
will be a sign of great spiritual progress!
Interlocutor: Thank you for this additional clarification, great friend Alsibar!
Alsibar: You're welcome.
COMMENTS
Borges:
Excellent explanation! For me, this has always been a mystery: how to
search without feeling anxiety while doing so? In fact, our ego is
extremely subtle, and it's possible that even in our best, purest, and
most righteous actions, it's the ego that's in control. That's why this
article was so enlightening for me. Thank you, my friend Alsibar!
Luis:
Excellent post, like all the others on the blog. I've been following it
for several years and I recommend all the posts on this site to anyone
reading this comment. A rich source of wisdom, written in an accessible
and intelligent style that will enrich your journey. Warm regards from
the 30th parallel.
